Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Freak accidents are neither. Tragic events? Yup. Can you see where I'm going with this?

Top of the morning gents,

You all assisted on a shit load of ambulance calls but
ain't none of ye seen someone get stuck on a pool

"I'm melting!" (Wicked Witch West)

I ain't talking a face plant on the super sucker at
the bottom of Lynnwood YMCA or the Yost Pool, I'm
talking about a kid spin-cycling downward slamming on
the bottom of a swimming pool ASS first. Vlad the
Impaler ain't got shit on this one.

For you fuckheads that graduated from Alaska Public
Schools, our old buddy Vlad the Y1K Terrorist put a
stick up yer ass and foisted ye 20 feet in the air
just to watch ye gape down the flag pole, aboriginal
man-vagina first. No cat butt grease neither and yer
teeth and brains spiral up above yer head.

Whole cities were left crucified inside out. Shit
worked and scared all the Normans and Norsemen to a
halt, then do a fucking reverse 180 Rockford.

I wonder if Pink Floyd speculated baby butts and guts
churned awash through the "icy waters running
underground." (Astronomy Domine) Pool drains are just
like a small hole in the shell of an airplane at high
altitude. Shit gets sucked out like watery discharge.

Me and Cully loaded lots of gimps onto the railroad
tracks just to watch 'em flip like fish. What us
serial killers most wish to impress upon our flailing
victims and sperm dumps: is a moment of no hope.

I've frequently sucked pussy so hard I caved in a
bitch's head. Some biscuit I sucked on right inside
the pools I was employed as a lifeguard, swim
instructor and locker room womb stretcher. I never
thought to drown strippers and plant 'em twat first on
a pool drain.

When Drug Dealer Finn has keys to a large public
swimming pool, all his best friends also have a
private pool to swim around after hours whilst REALLY
high on LSD.

Me and Cully loaded up the vans and carted whole
parties to the Lynnwood YMCA to immerse in an Olympic
sized flotation device with Pink Floyd and Tangerine
Dream ambience and lysergic acid screaming in our
eyes. None of us lost our guts to the drain monster at
the bottom of the pool, just lots of brain cells.

Scandinavian miscreants can afford to lose them. AFN
dudes, I Ain't Fucking Native, but I sure could use an
Industrial cunt sucker on all my game meat I butcher.

What a ral gud idea: bun could drop caribou, whale and
walrus ass on draining swimming pools. Addiiga
nigluk-me, SUPER clean iingallocks! Wake up fucks,
this slaughter house abortion vacuum would invariably
make my "drite meet" and "tunnik punniktuk" chores
easier. WAY easier: no shit all over my counters and

If I could do a draining pool ass drop on all my
shitty game meats, I wouldn't have to gross out and
drool acid every time I gotta pull out fetal land and
sea mammals. I'd probably get slapped by grandma Mag
cuz she "sure like to eat baby caribou still inside."

"Armik deep oochuk tootoolak" Bunnik Grammik tunnik
oossik grimmer.

I still get a boner when really old women beat me:
real young ones too. If you need Viagra, yer still
married. Whiskey dicks are blind as one eyed mice. God
invented whiskey so that ugly women get laid.

"Nair ray veech pickled baby whale-tuk?" "Ah bun, we
sure eat unborn baby whale in Pt. Hope ah?" I'm
thinking Arby's. Or maybe rank doksibuq clooch

Fuck that's gross.

I'll eat Irish pickled pig trotters and Finnish blood
sausage (intestines packed with reindeer blood, oats
and chopped gonads), but I ain't ever put nikkipaq in
my mouth. Shit tastes like black girl pussy, but don't
stink as awful as Trudy Kenworthy shooting ping-pong
balls at ye.

Most cultures just can't digest bovine tundra
afterbirth nor sea mammal butt pussy on Pilot
Crackers. But our wives sure could all right.

Nullick me in the goat ass. As soon as I wash my
bottom and penis ral gud, I can only speak niglikme
tunnik. I sure need a fucking shower. My dick is
telling me I gotta "scrape crust." (Spanky)

Officer Ramoth once told me that native love is 2
black eyes and a hickey. Something wrong here, all us
white niggers ever ended up with is 2 blue eyes and

I get it. Us 50-year-old interracially married Casper
coons have dicks so young, they break out periodically
with acne. Actually, my frequent STD's are from
driving farm equipment with a rotten tampon punked in
my dick hole.

Yer all a bunch of fucking fart hammers, graying
gunslingers and dick skinners too.

Read my 2 attached articles. Then gag, choke and puke.


Girl, 6, Dies From Swimming Pool Injury
By DOUG GLASS – 1 hour ago

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — A 6-year-old girl whose intestines
were partially sucked out by a swimming pool drain,
leading to tougher safety legislation, has died, her
family's attorney said Friday.

Abigail Taylor's parents were with her when she died
Thursday at Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha, where
she had surgery in December to receive a new small
bowel, liver and pancreas several months after she was

She suffered setbacks, including a cancerous condition
sometimes triggered by organ transplants, family
attorney Bob Bennett said.

A hospital spokeswoman, Kara Haworth, confirmed
Abigail's death but said that she could not comment
further and that Abigail's doctors were not available

Abigail, of Edina in the suburban Twin Cities, was
injured June 29 when she sat on a wading pool drain at
the Minneapolis Golf Club in the suburb of St. Louis
Park; its powerful suction ripped out part of her
intestinal tract.

Her parents, Scott and Katey Taylor, lobbied for
tougher regulations to help prevent similar injuries,
and in December, President Bush signed a law that bans
the manufacture, sale or distribution of drain covers
that don't meet anti-entrapment safety standards.

The legislation, the Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and
Spa Safety Act, is named for another victim, the
7-year-old granddaughter of former Secretary of State
James Baker. She drowned at a graduation party in
2002, when the suction from a drain pinned her.

Sen. Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn., called the girl "an
inspiration for change" who prodded pool-safety
legislation that had gone nowhere for years.

"I visited her in the hospital, and she just had this
incredible spunk, and was very focused on wanting to
get this bill through Washington," Klobuchar said.

Bennett said the Taylors wouldn't be available to
comment Friday. In November, the family sued the golf
club and Sta-Rite Industries, the pool equipment
manufacturer owned by Pentair of Golden Valley.

Gretchen Koehn, president of the Minneapolis Golf
Club's executive committee, sent a note to club
members notifying them of Abigail's death. The club's
"hearts and prayers" go out to the Taylor family, she

Associated Press writers Brian Bakst, Chris Williams
and Frederic J. Frommer contributed to this report.



Girl Harmed by Pool Drain Last Year Has Died
By Alice Turner
March 21st 2008

Abigail Taylor, the six year old girl whose intestines
were sucked out by a pool drain, has died Thursday
evening at a Nebraska hospital. She had surgery to
receive a new small bowel, liver and pancreas, but
complications from the transplant occurred. She was
injured June 29 when suction from a pool drain she sat
on ripped out her entrails at the Minneapolis Golf
Club in the suburb of St. Louis Park.

Her parents, Scott and Katey Taylor, pushed for
legislation to prevent such accidents in the future.
Last December, Congress approved legislation to ban
the manufacture, sale or distribution of drain covers
that don't meet anti-entrapment safety standards.

"They have held up and been held up for such a tough,
tough road. I just feel terrible for them," said State
Sen. Geoff Michel to AP after the news of Abigail's
death broke.

She is not the only child hurt by poorly designed pool
drains. The 7-year old granddaughter of former
Secretary of State James Baker drowned in a swimming
pool in 2002, after she was pinned by a drain.
Subsequent pressure led to the Virginia Graeme Baker
Pool and Spa Safety Act.

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