Issues and tissues. And the misuse thereof.

Top of the morning gents,

So many issues and so few brain cells. I’ve often told you coppers that I could’ve been born bright (but I wasn’t). One look at me and you could immediately tell that my parents were also retarded. After each paragraph I spew on all this white space you can add, “this guy is such a dumb shit.”

A battle has been brewing over whether old white in-breeds, chunky trailer wiggers and obese hillbillies (meaning all of us) should get the COVD-19 vaccinations. The reason kids call the Corona Beer Virus the “Boomer Remover” is because all of us fat fucks, lung wheezers and phlegm bubblers are the demography most likely to croak from this SARS/MERS variant (Southeast Asia/Middle East Respiratory Syndromes). If I was a tike of elementary school age, I’d be jazzed at a disease that gave me a 2-year quarantine vacation from school and only killed old motherfuckers and dust farting geezers like us. Imagine yer retarded grandchildren at your ICU deathbed waving goodbye to you and if you carefully read their lips, you’ll see them saying, “Smell you later grandpa, hope you die bitch.”

If you recall Alaska history, you’ll remember the first Iditarod Dog Sled Race was a race against time to deliver some prophylactic remedy for a newly mutated virus. Across Northwest Alaska and the Seward Peninsula, diphtheria reached epidemic levels of infection with near perfect lethality. That was your in-law gramps and grams dumbass. This Diphtheria virus had no known cure. You just died. The serum that was proposed was a dirty medicine rife with casualty and side-effects yet showed great promise battling the Diphtheria outbreaks in the Pacific Northwest. Despite his overwhelming irritation to faggots, niggers and fat fucks, President Trump’s “Operation Warp Speed” mission was much faster and safer than the treatment of viruses in previous centuries. It worked. The COVD-19 vaccine is a success that Trump oughta be bragging, instead of whining about losing an election to “woke” butt fuckers, the lefty, liberal lesbians and suburban whiny women of menopausal vintage.

You see, kids are smarter than us. I’ve heard kids call COVD-19 names like, “Marlboro Menopause”, “Emphysema Exit” “Hippy Herpes” “Geezer Disease” and “Crispy Nigger Flu.” They know that us boomers are the last of the shit-ass cigarette chokers and tobacco laxative dependent alcoholics primed and waiting for this new disease to exterminate us butt-hackers with a lethal respiratory ailment that makes pneumonia look wimpy. Did I just use the word “wimpy?”

When I was a kid approximately 75% of the American population smoked, chewed and pushed nicotine suppositories up their butts. Tobacco was marketed as good for you and healthy, never mind low birth weight, delayed infant development and leaving our children looking SO native. Now the percentage of black lung and tooth-lessness has dropped below 20% of Americans consuming tobacco products, and the remaining demographic purchasers of cigarettes and chew are minorities and poor white people. Did you get that last part? “Minorities and poor white people” Plus we’re dying of tobacco-related illnesses in droves. With a loss rate of over 1,000 tobacco addicted Americans every day, it’s not a club anybody would be a proud member of. Sick thought: it’s probably safer to smoke dick like Tubby Goodwin, Auntie Charlie and Chuck Criss. Are those faggots still alive?

I remember the numerous vaccinations that were required to attend K-12 school, travel to Europe and more inoculations for Bubosis Familiaris (bubonic plague) to return from Russia to the United States. I also remember all those goddamned flu and hepatitis shots that were required to work at the Kotzebue Jail and don’t forget the tetanus and rabies vaccinations I had to have to work in the VPSO program. Part of the VPSO duty roster was inoculating pert near a thousand fucking dogs for Parvo and Rabies and if I couldn’t catch them: they died horribly. Chase the bullet, puppy.

I still brag to my Vietnam Vet buddies of seeing Nush quick draw his 38 special and blast a vicious dog on the run around the poop barrels of north tent city: right through the fucking neck. To further illustrate my tales of you bloodthirsty rural coppers, I unleash the Billy black Byrd shotgun story of spinning Hanson’s black lab in circles with a charge of double aught buck shot in its hip. That fucking dog finally died when Byrd blasted its collar clean off. My witnesses were all them Hanson boys. Minus one boy now. They looked at Billy Byrd wide-eyed in astonishment, thinking that’s one scary nigger.

If you don’t want any of us KPD dumbasses putting a bullet up your nose, get the annual flu and fucking COVD-19 shots. All of them, including shingles. Quit whining you pussies. Regarding shingles: it’s a real bitch. Regions of tender painful blisters in large patches, and if you’ve had chicken pox, the herpes virus is already in you. Non-white dark meat sure conceals pock marks suspicious but cold sores on a bitch’s lip will give a soldier’s penis blisters. At the Thai massage parlors here at the Kenai Borough the staff hide a condom in their mouth. Clever Asian knob chewers, eh?

Speaking of spreading diseases, I’m still irritated by all those homeless Inuit ass-wipes all over Anchorage wearing those stupid baseball caps stenciled with “Native Pride.” My old boss at KPD asked me how appropriate I’d be with caps that stated, “White Power”, “German Sausage” or “Walk like a Norwegian.” I’m of the opinion that I ought to wear the slogan, “Save Social Security. Free tobacco” or “De-Worm Trump.” I have a bumper sticker that says, “Don’t blame me, I voted for Mr. Magoo.” This will make ye puke: how about a shirt that said, “Red Lives Matter.” Go stink Induns! Laugh it up faggots, but I chuckle at the potential response to my wearing a T-shirt that said, “Vote For Nixon. Author Of ANSCA.”

President Nixon created the Indian Self-Determination Act, Indian Health Services (predecessor to Alaska Native Tribal Health Consortium and Alaska Native Medical Center) and overriding a 50/50 gridlock in the Senate and House, VP Spiro Agnew cast the tie breaking vote and signed the Alaska Native Claims Settlement Bill into law. Wally Hickel was Nixon’s Secretary of the Interior and totally against ANSCA. Dumb bastard fought hard to block native land claims from successful completion and granting regional corporations subsurface mineral rights. Hickel was quoted as saying, “Just because your grandpa chased moose or caribou across a piece of land, shouldn’t make you the owner.” 44 million acres were deeded to Alaska Natives and pert near a billion dollars was paid out to capitalize 13 foundling native corporations.

Following the native land claims authorization vote of 1971, Nixon/Agnew also succeeded in passing legislation that authorized the Trans-Alaska Pipeline. On the 50-year commemoration of ANSCA and standing alone as a native with a 3-digit IQ, Willie Hensley spoke glowing praise for the Nixon Administration and everything Alaskans and Natives enjoy today. “To the liberal left Nixon was vilified, but to us Alaska Natives, he was a godsend.” Way to go Willie Hensley, mighty white of you.

I ain’t old, but I remember the ’68 election, Nixon winning re-election in 1972 and his resignation a year before the end of his second term. Nixon had a bunch of spooks just like us that got caught doing their job of locating the espionage agents responsible for stealing and selling the Top-Secret Pentagon Papers. Contrary to urban myth, the Pentagon Papers weren’t related to Viet Nam, but our strategies and capabilities related to conventional and nuclear conflict with the Soviet Union.

The evidentiary trail of breadcrumbs led to a small cadre of congressmen: one who was so plagued with terror and guilt of arrest he was seeking treatment from a psychiatrist whose office was upstairs at the Watergate Hotel. E. Howard Hunt and G. Gordon Liddy were successful in picking locks and cracking safes, eventually locating the spy ring inside Washington DC. All of whom resigned, withdrew from re-election or simply died of suspicious heart attacks and dubiously inflicted suicides by poison or hanging. Fuck I’m old.

ANSCA was a moment of genius by Nixon and Congress. Alaska Native Corporation dividends aren’t taxable because they aren’t income, they’re compensation from the Federal Government for lost land and resources. After all dividends are paid, the remaining native corporation revenues are shared with all the shit-ass loser native corporations run by butt-raping retards like John Schaeffer, Eugene Brower and Amil Notti and their ilk (These 3 drunk monkeys are banned from entering Canada and Greenland due to their sexual assault records). Yup, after dividends, 70% of all remaining revenues are shared with the other native corporations across Alaska.

Some awful 907 facts of poverty life: 21 out of 28 boroughs in the state are exempt from the federal law of a 5-year limit on welfare (DRA: deficit reduction act-Clinton Admin) and Alaska is the only state that allows poor fuckers to purchase candy, chips, soda pop and energy drinks with their food stamps. Also, to make poor white, black and yellow Alaskans feel less stigmatized as nigger trash, Alaska decided to make the PFD payments exempt from the public assistance paperwork (MMR: mandatory monthly reports.)

Alaska has a third of our state on welfare (34%), whereas the other 49 states only have single-digit percentage membership. Reggie Joule lectured at Upchuck U that the traditional subsistence lifestyle is impossible and unsustainable without Alaska’s many generous forms of welfare. Despite being classified as taxable income by the IRS, Juneau chose to classify the Permanent Fund Dividend as “hold harmless.” Our 907 runny turd slurpers on food stamps, housing vouchers, heating assistance, Medicaid and energy assistance don’t count PFD checks against their low-IQ handouts. This is a veiled attempt to make PFD payments appear like ANSCA native dividends, immune to welfare benefit eligibility. But still taxable as income.

As a measure to balance Alaska’s declining oil revenues and increasing cost of prisons, public assistance, troopers, ferries, schools, highways and the university: I say eliminate the PFD. Fuck me, I know. Just for a second, imagine all the Appalachia and migratory African Alaskans that would flee the state. Yup, in a New York minute we’d see a dirty smelly exodus out of Alaska. If all the poor black, white and blended mud racers left the state, we’d be left with the decision, “I think I’ll have a diet Coke.” A PFD check to every freeloader, carpetbagger and panhandler only rewards packing Alaska’s massive public assistance programs: welfare tourism. Dis-incentivize these beggars and watch the state population drastically drop, then watch all of our state bureaucracies shrink faster than Kotzebue’s city budget after all the bars and liquor stores were voted closed. Vacant emergency rooms, deathly quiet Search and Rescue, with a lot of cops laid off. Wishful thinking, perchance fiscal jerking material.

Most low-income PFD and Native Dividend recipients usually have their dividend payments garnished, attached and levied. The order of priority of PFD and Native Dividend garnishments, the first is the IRS, Child Support is second and lastly, court ordered collections and judgements. Native Dividends enjoy non-taxable status but are not exempt from seizure for delinquent back-taxes owed to the IRS, arrears Child Support or Court fees, fines and judgements.

I repeat, back taxes owed to the IRS will result in any and all dividends (ANSCA Native and Negro PFD) being seized, as are any delinquent payments by parents in arrears to Child Support. Lastly in sequence of seizures: restitution, speeding tickets, court and jail fees and small claims court judgements. Even during the years of 1995-1998 when the richer Native Corporations sold off their losing investments for cash and paid out dividends ranging from $65K to $85K to Sea-Alaska, CIRI and ASRC shareholders, I’ve got buddies in Barrow that haven’t seen a dime in their 60-plus lifetimes due to owing so much money to Child Support and Court Costs. Drunken monkey fucking and assaults.

Speaking of hominid intercourse and a sad fact of life is I awake every morning in a senior center, sleeping next to an attractive elderly native woman, and after a night full of dreams, I got a kickstand. Party. I ain’t shitting, my entire slumber is a nightmare of young girls from decades ago visiting me. Not exactly a nightmare, but serious wood and nocturnal flailing. Some evenings I wake myself up with gonad cramps, pillow drool or my hips locked forward. A common theme is I’m visited by girlfriends and young ladies from down the hallways in college dorms in Alaska and around the world from a previous century. Youth and beauty are often wasted upon the young and these busty 20-something vixens are now old. And ugly.

It’s always the same: I’m embracing girls with impossibly large breasts from a plethora of races and cultures, completely enveloped and smothered. Other evenings I’m conjoined by Scandinavian women sitting on my lap and face, riding atop me without spousal consent. Since I don’t require oxygen in my nightmares, I endure young ladies folding their legs over my shoulders, sucking my face off with their pussy, writhing and pulling my ears off. Don’t I paint a pleasing picture?

You killers know the syndrome: waking up with our donkey balls swollen, tongue hanging off the edge of the bed and across the floor, hips forward in a steel cramp and a tent that could kill an ice midget. You ever worry the entire senior center will wake up hearing these lovely demon girls screaming and throwing fits? We’re married, yet these busty girls will pleasantly haunt our dreams all the way to our graves. Young girls: we can only fondly reminisce hitting the bottom of the well and knocking all the mortar out of the sides: If you haven’t told yer wives: join the fucking club.

A club I’m not too keen for membership is this new LBGT thing. I still like watching girls in pairs, wrestle in mud, swim naked, share in the draining of my donkey balls or straddle double team on me. If there’s a profit in lesbian girls stepping aside for me to distend some cervix, I’m totally game. An old girlfriend of mine stated that putting a shop-vac lip-lock on another girl’s love muscles only increases the desire for a severe dick pounding. Do I hear an Amen?

Extra dudes in the picture gag me and put credence to Eddie Murphy’s claim that he’s got a sign on his ass that states, “Exit Only.” The G part of LBGT: serious ick factor. If you’ve never walked into jail cell after two men were fucking, you haven’t wretched bile on KPD overtime, gotten sick on your uniform and put a hurtful funk on yer nose and awful taste in yer mouth. Butt-pussy village romances in a native jail is the reason God created Sick Leave. It’s okay. Gay-Nativity is totally normal, just ask Roy Mendenhall, Mark Caruthers, and Rick (baby killer) Miller: all survived that HIV thing. Sure.

I’m tolerant to the L part of LBGT if I can step onto the mound and pitch wood, get my dick wet and listen to a naked girls’ choir screaming in my ear. The B is redundant in these ignorant theories I assert, but the Gay and Transgender players are so gross and can fuck themselves. Like dentists and clowns, most men are afraid of drag queens: terrified. The smaller the tit, the more the monkey, but if you spot an Adam’s Apple or find dingle-berries on yer girlfriends: pitch ‘em off the roof to pile up with Wally Carter’s cute little boyfriends and ugly underage girlfriends.

Wait a second. Gay men and drag queens don’t require birth control, nor abortions. Picture this action. I just got sick in my mouth. At least faggots and prissy sissy girly men won’t reproduce like our fetal pickle herds of maggot infested Sel-wik-miuts.

Of course, some tribes like Shovel-Head Kiana Indians follow their cultural norms and chug ball cheese out of clan asses and Shrunken-Head Noatak tribal values proscribe the chewing of scrotum seepage and sucking ass for nourishment. One t-shirt I saw at AFN declared “Native Women Can Pack More Meat In Their Mouth.” As opposed to any other orifical penis holsters. I’m lying you know. I do laugh at my own stupid shit.

On some mornings here at the Senior Center I awake feeling worse that Marylin Monroe after her 14^th abortion with dead Kennedy babies in my chamber pot, but I’ve always been under the assumption the world’s best birth control is an education. Growing up mud-farmer and hillbilly we use the inbreeds’ form of birth control: pregnancy termination via vacuum cleaner, chemicals and a slop bucket. My sisters utilized the Hoover vacuum method, one brother used the spoon method and scooped the pussy out and another brother used his pregnant red-headed girlfriend as a punching bag. My trick? High grade blow. Yup, chemical discharge. Leave a bitch unattended and let her self-destruct with a drinking binge and lots of cat-piss diesel damp cocaine. The floor was covered with piles of little red hairless mice in a burgundy wine sauce. Clean-up was a snap. I added some Purina kibble and my crack house guard dogs chowed down, then later hatched rich smelling 14-pound steamers. Most foul, and good time to buy a ticket to Kikik-nig-ruk.

As modern humans, we’re killing more of our children than in recent history, ancient history and prehistoric history. We even kill more of our children than gorillas, apes and chimps. If your zip code has the RURAL designation, ye gotta scope out the local abortion clinics cuz you don’t want more Galena or Buckland babies stealing yer cigarettes and honey-bucket home-brew. Speaking of chimps, when I was a toddler, my dad used to call me Syndrome, cuz when I approached the dinner table begging for scraps, he’d punch me and yell “Down Syndrome!” For a monkey-butt silver-back, I’m pretty funny, ain’t I?

I’m a member of a family that is the perfect reason alcoholic dickheads shouldn’t breed. If you look in the dictionary for the definition of undesirable bags of mashed up assholes, you’ll see our group picture. I also believe we should get abortions if all of us ignorant hayseed white trash refute common medical sense and continue to spooge our own sisters or bust a nut in cripples, gimps and mini-limbers. My mommy always told me to eat my vegetables, then return them to their wheelchairs.

We all chuckle at the Evans family because their grandparents were kissing cousins: Inupiaq style French kissing with a side order of retarded no-tail sperm butt-slobber. We all can look back in time and see byproducts of in-family breeding all over the AK-49 village regions. It’s gotten so bad that my Eskimo and Fort Yuk buddies see no problem taking their own uncles to the senior prom or partying in a sleeping bag with Billy Howarth. I know, that’s gross, just ask Mary Olanna. Let’s get hammered in a trailer with Billy Howarth and Darlene Snyder. Poor Mary must’ve shit her pants after the post-mortem sodomy. Richie Reich knows such pleasure: get plastered, awake to a pain the ass best described as butt-rape. Mary Olanna never woke up, she stayed dead and received an ass full of Darlene and Billy party favor jizz and shit: the scissors in the face are a bonus. Now that’s a hangover only a citizen of Kotzebue can appreciate. Whoever passes out first: gets it. Just ask Carl Ferriera.

No man likes to hump a tarp, but if you fool around at the city dump, ye better put a bag on yer trash. Abortions lower crime cuz unwanted children lead unwanted lives. America has the highest percentage of its population behind bars mostly due to poor people of color with membership to families lacking both parents: hence a 20-fold increase in incarceration. If brown, black, red and high-stepping yellow fuckheads refuse birth control, send them to Planned Parenthood. But keep all their prenatal carcasses in a freezer so we can develop a worldwide organ bank. Imagine grafting some big black breasts on yer wives with a side order of super tight Asian pussy. Now that’s a dish worth keeping. Got wood?

Fuck black slavery reparations, the world owes us. I’ve been paying income taxes for over fucking 40 years: mostly to the Federal Government, some to Juneau. When a boy in the Pacific Northwest turned 16 years old, he could take summer work up in Alaska slopping fish guts and crab slime and bring back home a tidy sum. We’re talking a couple grand for a kid who only worked 12-hour days, from June to August. We were paid a decent hourly wage with all food, travel and living expenses covered. But if you quit like a whiner bitch and didn’t work the entire summer, you were billed your airline tickets back home. Pretty nice incentive to stick it out till the end of summer and get a bonus for toughness.

Mind you, lots of girls and lightweight boys didn’t like work at all and left shortly after a couple weeks. Some left after a couple days. The deductions to everyone’s paycheck were the State of Alaska’s income tax, a onetime yearly employment tax (state), school taxes (borough), Workman’s Comp, Un-Emp and of course IRS Fed withholdings. Alaska has always had an income tax. From state purchase in 1867 all workers in Alaska paid a tax on wages. Regardless of the state yer sorry ass came from, if you earned a paycheck in Alaska, you paid an income tax. The Nixon legislated Trans-Alaska Pipeline didn’t start pumping until 1977 at 477K barrels daily and the Permanent Fund wasn’t established until a couple years later when TAPS output approached more than a million barrels daily. The Permanent Fund Dividend didn’t arrive until 1982, then Juneau eliminated the income tax. That was when bun stated, “Here come the black folks.”

After peaking in the late 1980’s to mid-1990’s at 2.2 million barrels daily, the through-put of oil down the Trans-Alaska Pipeline has steadily declined as we drain Prudhoe Bay. Adding the Willow Oil Field would add 600 million barrels of oil, but it would require 500 Willow Oil Fields to make up ONE Prudhoe Bay that contained 30-40 billion barrels. Now our TAPS production is down to 450K barrels a day and dropping 6% annually, which explains the Legislature’s discussion of eliminating the Permanent Fund Dividend and re-Instituting Alaska’s old income tax. Fuck dudes, we’ve gotten 40 years of PFD checks. Let’s let it die and let our mongoloid children pay an income tax to subsidize our comfy pensioner’s lifestyle. Silver is the new gold, and cocaine and cupcakes for every Alaskan crispy codger: free blow jobs too.

We’ve fucking paid out the ass for decades, the children and coloreds owe us: it’s payback time punks. We’ve earned PERS, Social Security etc. Plus, us boomers are due new body parts forestalling or date with worms or delaying our occupancy in a moldy pine box. Instead of paying our tax dollars on public schools, public assistance and public penitentiaries, we could make them ungrateful niggers, spics, gooks and handicaps donate their unborn babies back into the organ donor system and give us boomers new eyes, hair and dicks. God knows yer wives could trade in their catcher’s mitts for a child’s pussy and reduce that annoying echo.

Imagine all the highly valuable organs and tissue transplants that we could take advantage of by putting a price tag and great value on minority, hillbilly, trailer court and handicap abortions frozen at yer local Organ Bank. New lung grafts to repair our tobacco habits, pancreas grafts for our diabetes and new liver and kidneys for our alcoholism with a kick-ass bonus of reducing poverty. I’d happily take genetically grown organs from test tube babies. I’d look at my dick and heart and tell myself: I’m full of new body parts from a can on a shelf in a broom closet.

Janitor in a drum.

Karl.