Thursday, September 12, 2013

Newsmates and convicts.

Top of the morning gents,

I've been chatting with some mighty lothesome criminals this week. REALLY bad dudes. Cuz they're fucking journalists and bush radio blabbermouths.

Don't ye maggots ever wonder why I repeatedly get such good press in the bush yet embarrassing and humiliating press in the shitty cities? The Arctic Sounder and APRN have been really swell media outlets, but Fairbanks and Anchorage press covers me like I'm a typical Native. Weird huh?

Just like all you soldiers, I got former coworkers literary and plethora. See? I can sound real intarligent too ye know. When I was editor of the Arctic Sounder the same year I was the herpetic kiana village PSO, I got to watch Jim Paulin make Gordon Ito look like a child gomer and pink sperm anal bandit. SERIOUS skills Paulin got. Someone steered him to old records and complaints from dubiously forged KPD contact cards that can be cobbled together for a masterpiece theater masculine pap smear and beautiful character assassination. Don't ever let Jim get you against the ropes: he'll pull yer wings off, then yer goonie-googoos. Without ever lifting a finger nor breaking a sweat, he'll nuke yer reputation magnified rectal and aloud and in print.

Fucking Gordon was so flabbergasted and defeated, he asked AC clerk Harvey Jennings to let him look at a new revolver, took an aiming stance at Jim Paulin, cocked the hammer, told Jim to say his prayers, then pulled the trigger. Click and Gordon Ito was inmate ass-raped #69. Best part, ItoFuckHole splattered his very own Eskimo ass paint all over Kotzebue Sound's frozen sewer ice flow. Sweet. Death by stupid: overloaded moron in a puny shitty airplane. Stinky Kivilina Muktuk and stinky nigger dumbfuck make a real perty shit stain. I know muktuk and KVL muktuk is baby diaper stinking pussy blubber compared to MY dudes' pink and black pedigree foods in BRW.

You Kikiknigrunt fuckers sure need schooling about Barrow. Ask Eskimo NUSH, the arctic slope is as flat as the shovel headed natives up there. Nothing like the poverty you niggers suffer. NSB pays for everything. Even heating oil for the villages without natural gas. NSB Mayor also gets his/her own Lear Jet, plus we have our OWN borough police: meaning no fucking troopers. Best part, they let me and bun harvest whale and polar bears.

Poor Reggie Joule has to thumb a ride for his loose stool and fat ass and has a budget one-tenth of ours. We're also ten times further North of the Arctic Circle than you red neck Southerner ice niggers. 40 miles vs. 400 miles further north. Fuck all yer nana nigra bitch pie holes. Kotzebue has always been shit ass poor and forever irrelevant. Except within these correspondence constabulary, NWAK is my own personal whipping boy.

If you recall, Al Sanders was the AM disc-jockey on KOTZ 720 from 5am till Len's assinine polka homo-show. Al usually started his morning broadcast with his signature sign-on followed with clean humor from Bill Cosby, "news of the weird" and oft played "basketball jones" from the Cheech and Chong album (either big bamboo or up in smoke).

Al was such a good friend I trusted the chubby nigger to bunk it with bun during the years I was away working. Or in jail. Best roommate she ever had. Besides, he pours only Johnny Walker Black. My kind of guy. He also liked the smell of marijuana. A lot. If you debate sports history and statistics: yer toast. Fucker breathes, eats and shits fat sports. He made me feel unworthy and intellectually niggardly and I'm smarter'n most nugger-fuckers.

Stacey and Karl Pucket worked for the Sounder behind pondu in the same office as bun, before Lindauer and bish sold the local rag chain to them bethel pukes Calista. Stacey secretly did 20 questions on me every night during graveyard shift for the day's and previous night's KPD/KFD/AST Dispatch Activity, whereupon they dutifully raced to the courthouse lobby awaiting you lazy fucking cops to wrap up your goddamned paperwork. May Pannik was a fucking champ, she ALWAYS made 8 copies of your illiterate complaints with one complete set going right into Stacey or Karl's sweaty and twitching publishing dick skinner hands. From my lips to the morning arraignments, then on Sounder's 'who dunnit.' OTZero's version of OME buttNugget's "seawall." Public records are both a bitch and a powerful tool. For cops too. With Stacey and Karl on the Arctic Sounder Staff, a drug case in 11/92 got expansive, award-winning and insightful coverage. I was offered a new post with Mat-Su Narcotics Division (StatewideDEA back then) shortly thereafter.

Bill Murray and David Caleschman, and oh yeah, Dean Tongen were loud and proud activist motherfuckers beyond par and above your intellectual pay-grade. Smart assed motherfuckers and darn good drinkers whilst singing "hammertime howarth is gonna fry" too. KOTZ 720AM has a history of liberal bias and nigger preference towards stupid native loser news: meaning they fucking hate cops, troopers and narcs. Not these three prize-fighting broadcasters, murray, caleschJew and Tongen continually pissed off Rob Rawls and Len Drunkerson with GREAT coverage and prime stories of drug raids, bootlegger busts and mass-asshole brown arrest sweeps. At my request, begging and pleadings, and as long as I provided solid intel, them 3 shining examples of brain to mouth coordination built a lot of their intro and bumper music filled with hit songs like 'Secret Agent Man,' war themes, cowboy anthems, combat devotionals and inspirationals...along with tangentally witty abreviations and acronyms with a shining bias proudly towards the blue wall. Dragnet is still the standard for pro-cop toonage dude.

Wake up fucks: If I ain't hanging around your stinky squadrooms or dispatch, I'm fucking around the radio station smoking weed with Higbitch or chatting guns with Pierre LonePuss. Worse yet, I could be doing blow with other nasty white dudes from Washington down at the Ram Air Hangar. Shimshat recently filed for bankruptcy and Mike Spezak is serving a 7 year hitch for Tax Fraud from his years running Spezak Death Aviation and Servant Air Taxi.

James Mason is one of the best in the business. Real fucking intellectual pitbull on both print journalism and over the air broadcasts. Fucking obliged to him for life. He did a really thorough and precise story all about Operation Muktuk. His wordcraft and Solveig Naylor's big heart allowed for TONS of pinkNblack whale candy to fly free of charge on Cape Smythe Air Service from BRW out to most Hotham's Inlet Elder Councils.

Free freight isn't always free, I supplied miles of strapping tape, cardboard and let's not forget my broken back and hands hauling those huge blocks of whale pussy to airport. Small price really. I'm culturally magnanimous and arrogantly FASnorse, yer not. Cape Smythe tallied over a ton every year for 3 years. All free to rotten old ice niggers.

I get to talk this way: I packed every ton of muktuk fuck ye.

Tim McDonald covered Logan's dumbshit stunt: the man hired me to bootleg his booze and buds. I inserted AST Drug Agent Karl Main into the business and voila! No more Logan and no more planes, guns and grow equipment. Logan was eager to leap over me and fucking kype my bootlegger connections, so Trooper Karl Main stepped up like a fucking champ, grew long hair and a beard and kicked some complex weather and junker plane ass. Logan actually enjoyed fucking me outa my bootleg biz and dove headfirst into state trooper money, evidence and nets. And then cuffs.

RA Dillon did a poignant headline declaring Scott McConnell a drunkard, homo and baby killer. He killed the mommy too by splitting May Marlene Thomas in fucking half at a hunnert mph stopping only for a quick break inside a porch wilson sr. Nasty mess. Mommy and baby pussy juice all OVER fucking front street. The sound of that wreck was horrendous. It was sort of mixture of ultra-high velocity, blood mist and exploding native baby guts: and a really loud Kaboom! All night there was a funky pussy mist in the air over Coppock's houses. I like a collision I can smell. I'm that way ye know.

Dillon also made me look proud with graduating from Chukchi College (upchuck U), my UAF MBA scholarship and also selling the bar to nana, but is worthy of praise for Eskimo NUSH's work at UAF on a particularly tricky undercover op involving GHB, G and Bute, the date rape drug epidemic all over the campus. John Paliwoda never saw it coming. He was never seen again neither.

I got a couple of headlines in the Helsinki Sanomat and the Helsinki Lehti detailing undercover busts of X, ecstacy and MDMA. All merely versions of methamphetamine, yet the devastating heart and nerve damage is the same as Alaska's huge population suffering from Meth-Psychosis and forever failing to feel joy, nor the tearful embraces you and I take for granted.

Wives ain't good fer much, but their hugs are nice. Hugging only when we dump our darker nuggers at the senior center and head to the beach to stare at all the pretty white girls. Possibly enjoying a grand ball seizure inside one or two.

I merely wish to be wanted. Wishful thinking was only our first mistake deplaining OTZ.

And again today. As these old memories flow out my fucking ass, I oft wonder if me and bun are truly missed.



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