Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I've been sleepless in Seattle, but never homeless. I'm so Washington.

Top of the morning gents,

Since we's nothing but homo-sapien motherfuckers, it's pert near impossible to possess nor exercise any objectivity discussing pussy.

Yup. I said it. Pussy.

Must be a fucking million different configurations, shapes, designs and sizes in the world's vaginal populations. Now add this notion: a girl's cooter actually changes in appearance. Whilst under tremendous stress.

We all spent our whole life swimming fer Edmonds Hitler Youth swim teams. We seen tiny red twin ear shaped vaginas and even evil dried looking wild kingdom showering vaginals.

Way back when I was 8 or 9 years old, I seen the world's largest vagina on a girl a few years older'n me. No shit, that big mounded hair lip and monster clef palate was one giant hatchery and XXXL fur lined catchers mitt. Chick was born fer porn, her four finger salmon cruncher was bigger'n yer ex-wives.

Dudes, kid got mammoth uch.

Swimming at the YMCA we watched old ladies shower too, but that scared us. Old age and babies makes monsters I wish I never spied. Kinda like our naked mothers-in-law, serious roach infested grilled cheese action fer snacking. Centuries separate tasty trim from wretched and horrible. Be real scared.

Another point ummm, how shall I say: the complex airborne volatility agaynst me olfactory detectors of aromatic cooter based particles. Whiff, sniff, quaff, gack, skank. I'm referring to the incredible uniqueness yet multitudinous pussy odors that both gag my nose and eyes and mouth water.

I seent and snift some doozies too. I seen swollen downward pointed 'gook-eye' and fat lippy wounds that never heal. I even seen a pussy spasm and clench like a punched blinking eye. If suck hard enough, ye can cave in a girls head then snap the vacuum hydro shok. Fucking kills 'em.

We seen alien expanding snatcher biscuit and even seen sea anenomae looking wave fluctations pelvic, that is, if ye bastards ever licked blond pussy in sauna.

Enough chatter about pussy. Hearing so much about the world's plethora of dicks and cocks, we are now free to dissect the other half: cunts. Bitches don't think that it's fair to pick scabs and sniff pussy whilst poking fun at our dicks. Even Steven nigger uch. Opra and Tyra cackle at penis jokes like old Eskimo nuggers, so fuck it: I'm cackling evil at cunts, clootches, stink pots and rot wafters.

Life IS fair though. Old age (35 and up) dries pussy and softens yer dicks from 40 and up. We're all living proof that Time is always first in line fer fucking congenital diseases and age related risk factors.

Risk factors for fucking dying on yer feet and in uniform with Viagra in yer system and stale silk on yer dicks. Silk is available in the vagina section at AC and soothes dry cracked lips, heals wind burns and softens labia cement discharge.

Environmental, dietary, lifestyle are risk factors. So is career choice, but they're all way in the back of the line behind age and time.

Us fuckers are so old. Which one of us shooters croaks next eh bart?

I'll keep Commander Craig in crime novels, spy thrillers, surplus espionage equipment and lost revolvers. I'll jingle the Chief with updates and sit-reps on my narc jobs, you coppers keep an eye on each other.

Someone will be watching over all us rogue bastards off the rez and God willing all of us shall stay far away from the Washington: the only fuckhole sicker'n Alaska.

Read this article and you'll figure me out.

---

Man charged with rape of homeless women

A 51-year-old man who is alleged to have violently raped two homeless women and beaten one of them senseless was charged Friday with rape and attempted rape.

By Christine Clarridge Seattle Times staff reporter

A 51-year-old man who is alleged to have violently raped two homeless women and beaten one of them senseless was charged Friday with rape and attempted rape.

Reginald Karl Breaux, who has no known local address and goes by the name "Tex," is being held on $500,000 bail in King County Jail.

According to Seattle police and King County prosecutors, Breaux attacked the first woman on June 8 while she was panhandling near Airport Way South and South Spokane Street.

Breaux allegedly told the victim he had no place to stay and she offered to lend him a spare tent and sleeping bag, according to charging documents filed in King County Superior Court.

On the way to her campsite, police and prosecutors say, Breaux slammed the woman to the ground and sexually assaulted her.

The victim told police Breaux bit her during the attack and she feared for her life.

A second woman was attacked by Breaux two days later, charging documents say, near the intersection of Third Avenue South and South Hanford Street.

The attack was interrupted, court documents say, by a man who drove by and saw in his rearview mirror a man he later identified as Breaux hitting a woman repeatedly in the face and head.

The witness turned his car around and confronted Breaux, according to court documents.

The witness told police the woman said "please help me" to him after Breaux fled, but medics found her unresponsive when they arrived, police said.

According to charging documents, DNA taken from the first victim was matched to Breaux and the witness to the second attack was able to identify him from a photo montage.

Breaux, who has a criminal history that includes robbery, burglary and domestic-violence assault, is scheduled to be arraigned Jan. 29.

Christine Clarridge: 206-464-8983 or cclarridge@seattletimes.com

Originally published Saturday, January 17, 2009 at 12:00 AM

Copyright © 2009 The Seattle Times Company

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