I've been sleepless in Seattle, but never homeless. I'm so Washington.

Top of the morning gents,

Since we's nothing but homo-sapien motherfuckers, it's pert near impossible to possess nor exercise any objectivity discussing pussy.

Yup. I said it. Pussy.

Must be a fucking million different configurations, shapes, designs and sizes in the world's vaginal populations. Now add this notion: a girl's cooter actually changes in appearance. Whilst under tremendous stress.

We all spent our whole life swimming fer Edmonds Hitler Youth swim teams. We seen tiny red twin ear shaped vaginas and even evil dried looking wild kingdom showering vaginals.

Way back when I was 8 or 9 years old, I seen the world's largest vagina on a girl a few years older'n me. No shit, that big mounded hair lip and monster clef palate was one giant hatchery and XXXL fur lined catchers mitt. Chick was born fer porn, her four finger salmon cruncher was bigger'n yer ex-wives.

Dudes, kid got mammoth uch.

Swimming at the YMCA we watched old ladies shower too, but that scared us. Old age and babies makes monsters I wish I never spied. Kinda like our naked mothers-in-law, serious roach infested grilled cheese action fer snacking. Centuries separate tasty trim from wretched and horrible. Be real scared.

Another point ummm, how shall I say: the complex airborne volatility agaynst me olfactory detectors of aromatic cooter based particles. Whiff, sniff, quaff, gack, skank. I'm referring to the incredible uniqueness yet multitudinous pussy odors that both gag my nose and eyes and mouth water.

I seent and snift some doozies too. I seen swollen downward pointed 'gook-eye' and fat lippy wounds that never heal. I even seen a pussy spasm and clench like a punched blinking eye. If suck hard enough, ye can cave in a girls head then snap the vacuum hydro shok. Fucking kills 'em.

We seen alien expanding snatcher biscuit and even seen sea anenomae looking wave fluctations pelvic, that is, if ye bastards ever licked blond pussy in sauna.

Enough chatter about pussy. Hearing so much about the world's plethora of dicks and cocks, we are now free to dissect the other half: cunts. Bitches don't think that it's fair to pick scabs and sniff pussy whilst poking fun at our dicks. Even Steven nigger uch. Opra and Tyra cackle at penis jokes like old Eskimo nuggers, so fuck it: I'm cackling evil at cunts, clootches, stink pots and rot wafters.

Life IS fair though. Old age (35 and up) dries pussy and softens yer dicks from 40 and up. We're all living proof that Time is always first in line fer fucking congenital diseases and age related risk factors.

Risk factors for fucking dying on yer feet and in uniform with Viagra in yer system and stale silk on yer dicks. Silk is available in the vagina section at AC and soothes dry cracked lips, heals wind burns and softens labia cement discharge.

Environmental, dietary, lifestyle are risk factors. So is career choice, but they're all way in the back of the line behind age and time.

Us fuckers are so old. Which one of us shooters croaks next eh bart?

I'll keep Commander Craig in crime novels, spy thrillers, surplus espionage equipment and lost revolvers. I'll jingle the Chief with updates and sit-reps on my narc jobs, you coppers keep an eye on each other.

Someone will be watching over all us rogue bastards off the rez and God willing all of us shall stay far away from the Washington: the only fuckhole sicker'n Alaska.

Read this article and you'll figure me out.

---

Man charged with rape of homeless women

A 51-year-old man who is alleged to have violently raped two homeless women and beaten one of them senseless was charged Friday with rape and attempted rape.

By Christine Clarridge Seattle Times staff reporter

A 51-year-old man who is alleged to have violently raped two homeless women and beaten one of them senseless was charged Friday with rape and attempted rape.

Reginald Karl Breaux, who has no known local address and goes by the name "Tex," is being held on $500,000 bail in King County Jail.

According to Seattle police and King County prosecutors, Breaux attacked the first woman on June 8 while she was panhandling near Airport Way South and South Spokane Street.

Breaux allegedly told the victim he had no place to stay and she offered to lend him a spare tent and sleeping bag, according to charging documents filed in King County Superior Court.

On the way to her campsite, police and prosecutors say, Breaux slammed the woman to the ground and sexually assaulted her.

The victim told police Breaux bit her during the attack and she feared for her life.

A second woman was attacked by Breaux two days later, charging documents say, near the intersection of Third Avenue South and South Hanford Street.

The attack was interrupted, court documents say, by a man who drove by and saw in his rearview mirror a man he later identified as Breaux hitting a woman repeatedly in the face and head.

The witness turned his car around and confronted Breaux, according to court documents.

The witness told police the woman said "please help me" to him after Breaux fled, but medics found her unresponsive when they arrived, police said.

According to charging documents, DNA taken from the first victim was matched to Breaux and the witness to the second attack was able to identify him from a photo montage.

Breaux, who has a criminal history that includes robbery, burglary and domestic-violence assault, is scheduled to be arraigned Jan. 29.

Christine Clarridge: 206-464-8983 or cclarridge@seattletimes.com

Originally published Saturday, January 17, 2009 at 12:00 AM

Copyright © 2009 The Seattle Times Company

My beloved smokers, drinkers and chewers. Visit yer dentist this decade.

Yo dudes,

Guess what? I'm breaking my shackles of village poverty by going ghetto mod. I'm fucking going to the dentist. Again.

Yup. For the FOURTH time this month too. Fuck!

I'm getting the white man treatments: 40 year cleaning and 1,000 mile tune-up, plus paying serious dinero to have ALL my silver fillings replaced with pearly white bondo. My metal shite is now all beauty pageant and movie star gorgeous. I look simply marvelous.

All ye fuckoffs have decent dental insurance at the most and BIA scab mouth insurance at the least, so go to the dentist.

Men are so kewl. To a point: when we gotta sit and wait, read faggot fashion magazines and listen to the squealing air valves, passive turbines and intense tooth abrasion sound effects in a dentist office. Shit tightens my bottom and penis quicker'n a boot to the groin.

I ain't a pussy. At least MOST of the time.

Dentists, needles, shocks and drownings scare my shit pert near every time.

I'm totally kewl at the chiropractor, the massage therapist, any village native clinic, remote prison book-in and even sitting in court lying under oath. But, I puss out walking upon property shingled DDS. I can smell yer green shit all the way up here in Barrow, so even you graying gunslingers seem perty dern scared shitless just thinking about oral hygiene and dental health.

What makes matter so much worse?

We all smoke, drink and chew goddamn tobacco. And pot.

Data supports correllary notions linking rotten gob holes and nasty butt breath with heart failure, pancreatic atrophy and catastrophic immune deficiencies. In other words, heart attacks, diabetes and a cunt face only AIDS bitches could love.

I smelt all yer breaths. In the squadroom, central dispatch and over drinks weighing up coke. I could smell Mashburn's breath whilst cutting down a hanger. He likely smelt mine too: over a dead body. Our pie holes guarantee stereotypical humor that us niggers never die, we just smell that way.

After a cigarette and coffee our breath smells identical to the squadroom toilet after Captain Wallace grunts birth to 11 pound Selawik-mute loafs.

New idea, novel concept. *This year: y'all go to the dentist and get the complete $1,000 crust scrape and cranial stinkhole cleanout and polish. I did.

Let yer insurance cover the scabs, but drop some big dick dinero for all the rest. Co-pay and deductibles ain't fer niggers, just us Nazi natives and frost bit motherfuckers.

My mouth is now so sweet, women all over the reservation are sticking their tongues in my mouth.

Their lips too.


Karluk.

2009 brings good cheer and bad motherfuckers. Fuck all, God loves ye.

Top of the morning gents,

Hope you all paid yer respects and visited yer dead souls, descendants and croak bitches. Tis the season assholes. Get fucked up, visit tombstones.

Then piss on 'em.

No shit, no kidding. Halloween Death ritualistic alcoholism and the Noel cryogenic drinking season is so kewl. It's my period, I'm gonna cry if I want to. Or flick dead blood in yer face.

Point of fact, my menstruation can be concealed within hangovers and ill temper mistaken for genetic crankiness. Finns rag, Finns drink. Figure that?

Okay, any ragged point in time when I'm bleeding like a stuck pig or cut cop and judging by the size of our turds, a gook gotta think we use thick padded paint rollers fer fucking tampons.

Periodistic sadism me fellow Suomens. Fuck all. Male brutality and menstruation are a bit pagan and we have only one race of shit heads to blame.

Yer white nigger Euro trash parents.

Yup. Yer motherfucking WHITE alien Norse parents inserted their horrid pre-Christian torture parties into OUR modern and Native American customs heretofore justifying the raping and killing of little darky fucking aboriginies.

I'm happier'n a pig in the FAZ zone nana neeegro. Rockaholic fucking niff is me and up here I seasonally embrace serial killers, drunks and drug addicts. Merry fucking Christmas to all and to all wiggers a good fight.

Us non-natives from the big OTZ know what's real. Real dumb. Like Bull and June...Hensley/Nelson. Makes me shit bitter puke to think yer nigger kids go to a schrool named after that Nelson uch-cunt and a playfield named after fat nigger Bull. They ain't rotting in Hell, they're far too full of preservatives and liquor. They're in a constant state of flare-up. Buckwheats dudes.

Back to the holidays and our feigned sobriety.

I'm aging super fast and outpacing my native readers by a hunnert years yet I still wish fer great pumpkins.

My half-nugger gruntchidren pray crazy wishing for a morbidly obese alcoholic dressed in blood red to sneak into my home, peek in on our newborns and toddlers leaving generational curses of dental carries, diabetes and liver disease. All my gruntkids are PONTIACS and believe a good Santa is dressed in blood.

Here in Alaska we've got generations of nigerian expectations: sponging fucking handouts and free money outa my fucking wallet. Fuck 'em, ain't no cure for poverty. My Santa spits on the poor, the dark and miserable, swaps their land and languages fer booze, then rapes them.

Fuck! Now that's Swedish Christmas! So wash my fucking balls and set the slaves on cruise-control.

Never thought we could blame them fucking fair skinned Norwegians and blue-eyed sick fuck Finns for ALL of the raping of the world's shortest and darkest bitches, thus leaving scores of retard mixed bleed alcoholics for you coppers to beat on.

Just don't react to your mysterious rage and unexplainable anger. I know. I'm there dude. I'm cranky, pissy and bitchy as all get-out. Fer Fucksake.

I mean Christ's sake.

Later bitches, keep an eye on your lousy tempers.


Karluk Puk Nigluk