Sunday, November 04, 2007

North of 70 lat, there's a hunnert men to every scraling biach. Nup, t'other way 'round.

Top of the morning gents,

Chicks rule, men drool.

Fucking queer if ye gotta problem with my wisdoms
senile and bizarre sing-song repetition to my
ejaculatory yet quite literary discharge.

You ain't married to a sapien primate that you can
truly count on? "It's cuz yer gay" (Super Dad from

Girls born north of the Arctic Circle are the catch du
jour. Reason I know this is cuz my wife told me so and
in the middle of my last long distance phone chat with
Commander Craig, that Irish mick fuck called me a
"squaw boy." Like he never kissed an Indun, fuck him.

Where the fuck does this Celtic aboriginal Saxon
bovine raping bag of mashed up assholes get off?
Fucker was born on two separate dates: 1928 and 1931,
ain't he a WOP-with out papers.

If I don't break Craig's balls, he'll die.

Squaw Boy. That's like oochuk boy and the second time
I heard Euro-slang with such racist brevity.
Anglo-centric slurred reference that darky pussy is
little better than fart hammers. "A horny little
Jewish Princess. A grinder a bumper with a
pre-moistened dumper" (F. Zappa).

Like mixing it up with Irish slaves, customary
drinking with Finns means ye gotta break balls. Every
Helsinki Saturday, the 5 of us ussi suomen mba 2000
fuckheads gathered for mile long shots of beer, champs
and anything Finnish and Flammable.

"If there's more the 2 white punks in a huddle,
they're smokin' drugs" (M. Callahan). Yup, we was
smoking drugs.

2 Brits, 2 Finns and 1 cannuk enjoyed roasting my shit
cuz they knew I spent a hunnert years spazzing about
with you cops and robbers and that I done dunked my
donkey injurious and got my dick wet out on the

"Touch me I'm sick!" Funny fuckers on yonder braver

The 2 Brits were simply assholes and their favorite
words were "fucking cunt" and "stupid git." What I
found funny was they brokered jacked liquor and cigs
and their names were Peter and Paul: I stole from

The 2 Finns were United Nations Peacekeepers in the
Finnish Army. Aivar and Timo shot meat and cut throats
in Croatia, Bosnia, Serbia, Chechoslovakia. No shit,
real dishonest to God mercenaries that could beat a
prisoner with equal passion as us. I don't believe
coincidences fer dick, but James Mason has a couple
pictures of my drinking buddies standing over piles of
leaking corpses...perchance their slaughterhouse

"War Time is Party Time." "Violence is the destruction
of the human body." "Cheers mates." (Fino Merc Timo's
toast to strong drink).

What kind of creepy bullshit is this? After chipping
frozen red shit, mopping brains and puke, and dragging
and beating the likes of Tykee Lloyd Hall and Billy
Howarth down the Green Mile, I run into a sick mirror
image cluster of graying gunslingers: just like you.

Same fuckers as all ye. I'm such a piece of shit.

At a black tie dinner party, Timo loudly suggested I
"tell everyone the story about all the dogs you shot
in Alaska." Real funny fucker.

All eyes blue and elfin ears finn and fair were upon
me, so I took a breath and started a drunken
sophisticate yarn about grabbing a loaded gun and
climbing under BJ Russell's shit house next to Freddy
Sours. You know, near Spesak's, Squish's uncle's and
Eunice's. I was on assignment killing a pickup truck
full of puppies.

Middle of an Arctic winter, dark as shit and up to my
dick in snow...I was on my stomach crawling under this
nasty ass reservation house so I could shoot the fuck
outa whole box of menstruate foul and toxic canine
parvo-puppies: with 2 clips of 22 sjhp. "Shoulda
brought fucking shotguns" (Pulp Fiction).

I smacked and zapped em' all, also smoked the barking
momma mangy husky bitch with 2 in the eye. Blanchard
radioed me and told me that someone in the house over
my head phoned Kathy at dispatch and reported
gunshots. Lame drunk Inu macaques mighta guessed their
infection, but not their father.

I busted ass and hustled prone back out then flung
dead momma one-eyed bitch mutt under the house and
booked. Never did retrieve the warm meat pile and haul
dick to the dump.

As I gazed around this dinner party there was not a
sound from me audience.

So I started phase 2 of the Kotzebue dog shooting
blood and guts tale with my buddy Billy Bird aka
Blackbird aka Super Nigger. His last moniker dropped
jaws with politically perfect timing. I like seeing
green shit dripping from my audience. Fags faint and
soil trou whenever I fail to shut my gob. If you ever
get a cold from me, you better see a psychologist.

Ya see, Blackbird was my Nigger Jim to your Huck Finn.
He let me sneak home for a few bong rips and fetch
222's, I shucked him jugs and cigs too. He also sold
me a butt-load of guns and bragged how to skin a gook.

We was all sitting at the group W bench...toking on a
number, groovin' on the radio. Me and Blackbird drove
the shot dog stink truck up to the graveyard, smoked
fat chiefs and got chinked, then he went fucking Nam
on me and killed as many dogs as he could till shift
change. I had to lug 'em into the back of the truck, I
never gettoo have any fun.

Good formation, good accuracy. 9.5 points from the
judges. Blackbird drops to one knee and cycles a shell
into his shotgun in a single fluid motion, touches off
a round and blows the collar off of Margaret and Paul
Hanson's black lab. Cycles another round and blasts
the engine room clean outa that dog. We have chunky
red and white tissue in Swan Lake TB laggoon. Bonus
points for horrified children running back home in
tears spattered with bits of hair and dog poop. Crowd

My drunken yarn ended with a toast to Vietnam Vet
alcoholics, cops and dog catchers, and ass fucks and
gun oilers.

Gotta laugh. Blackbird could spin a dog like a top. A
double o' buck charge in the hip brodied the piss outa
tundra. Count 3 blood spinning rotations, cycle a
round, Powee, dog eats a neck load and flips off
backwards like drunken ice nigger behind Shannon
Pavle's wiper blades.

I'm still awaiting from our killers at KPD how the
45-70 dragon pistol works on fucking dogs and when
soldier Finn will share what shoulder launched gas
cannisters do to a bloody rag muslim's mug or thorax.

Smile for the CX gun. Ouch. Imagine a smoking white
hot beer can half sunk in yer face, chest or ass like
buckwheats. It ain't torture if I ain't asking no
questions. Die fucker.

Ever rope a rebel over the barrel of cannon? Heads or
tails. Smoke ass and say goodbye faggot.

Oh yes, chicks rule, men drool. With so much
excitement I forgot what I was talking about. Fuck,
I'm still hard.

If it wasn't fer sex, none of ye'd be where you are
right now. Most of my readers got their rectums parked
on this side of the Arctic Circle. A few equal to the
latitude of Shitbanks, Denali and Helsinki. Made you
look you dirty crook, yer dick points north.

Down south of 60, there's way too many smart, handsome
men to compete with. Up here in Alaska, yer only fear
is me.

Enjoy the pickings, rack 'em and stack 'em.

Karluk Puklaumi

PS. The attached slideshow details my hikes overseas.


Man-made chemicals blamed as more girls than boys are
born in Arctic

By By Paul Brown

Twice as many girls as boys are being born in some
Arctic villages because of high levels of man-made
chemicals in the blood of pregnant women, according to
scientists from the Arctic Monitoring and Assessment
Programme (Amap).

The scientists, who say the findings could explain the
recent excess of girl babies across much of the
northern hemisphere, are widening their investigation
across the most acutely affected communities in
Russia, Greenland and Canada to try to discover the
size of the imbalance in Inuit communities of the far

In the communities of Greenland and eastern Russia
monitored so far, the ratio was found to be two girls
to one boy. In one village in Greenland only girls
have been born.

The scientists measured the man-made chemicals in
women’s blood that mimic human hormones and concluded
that they were capable of triggering changes in the
sex of unborn children in the first three weeks of
gestation. The chemicals are carried in the mother’s
bloodstream through the placenta to the foetus,
switching hormones to create girl children.

Lars-Otto Reierson, executive secretary for Amap,
said: “We knew that the levels of man-made chemicals
were accumulating in the food chain, and that seals,
whales and particularly polar bears were getting a
dose a million times higher than that existing in
plankton, and that this could be toxic to humans who
ate these higher animals. What was shocking was that
they were also able to change the sex of children
before birth.”

The sex balance of the human race - historically a
slight excess of boys over girls - has recently begun
to change. A paper published in the US National
Institute of Environmental Health Sciences earlier
this year said that in Japan and the US there were
250,000 boys fewer than would have been expected had
the sex ratio existing in 1970 remained unchanged. The
paper was unable to pin down a cause for the new
excess of girls over boys.

The Arctic scientists have discovered that many of the
babies born in Russia are premature and the boys are
far smaller than girls. Possible links between the
pollutants and high infant mortality in the first year
of life is also being investigated.

Scientists believe a number of man-made chemicals used
in electrical equipment from generators, televisions
and computers that mimic human hormones are
implicated. They are carried by winds and rivers to
the Arctic where they accumulate in the food chain and
in the bloodstreams of the largely meat- and
fish-eating Inuit communities.

The first results of the survey were disclosed at a
symposium of religious, scientific and environmental
leaders in Greenland’s capital, Nuuk, yesterday,
organised by the Patriarch of the Orthodox Church,
Bartholomew I, which is looking at the effects of
environmental pollution on the Arctic.

Dr Reierson said the accumulation of DDT, PCBs,
flame-retardants and other endocrine disrupters has
been known for some time and young women had been
advised to avoid eating some Arctic animals to avoid
excess contamination and possible damage to their
unborn children. Dr. Reierson, said blood samples from
pregnant women were subsequently matched with the sex
of their baby. Women with elevated levels of PCBs in
their blood above two to four micrograms per litre and
upwards were checked in three northern peninsula’s in
Russia’s far east - the Kola, Taimyr and Chukotka -
plus the Pechora River Basin.

To check the results the survey was widened and
further communities, including those on Commodore
Island, were investigated. The results were now in for
480 families and the ratio remained the same.

He said full results for the widening of the survey
would not be published until next year but preliminary
results for Greenland showed the same 2:1 ratio in the

Aqqaluk Lynge, the former chairman of the Inuit
Circumpolar Conference who hails from Greenland, said:
“This is a disaster, especially for some 1,500 people
who make up the Inuit nations in the far north east of

“Here in the north of Greenland, in the villages near
the Thule American base, only girl babies are being
born to Inuit families. “The problem is acute in the
north and east of Greenland where people still have
the traditional diet.

“This has become a critical question of people’s
survival but few governments want to talk about the
problem of hormone mimickers because it means thinking
about the chemicals you use.

“I think they need to be tested much more stringently
before they are allowed on the market.”

The Inuit are nomadic in nature, having survived for
thousands of years using formidable hunting skills to
seek out the bowhead whale, seal, caribou and walrus.
The Inuit Circumpolar Conference (ICC), an
international body, was founded in 1977 to represent
the rights of the approximately 150,000 Inuit of
Alaska, Canada, Greenland, and Chukotka (Russia). With
relatively low levels of educational attainment and
few opportunities, violence, alcohol and drug
dependency are a growing problem as the Inuit try to
safeguard its traditions.—The Guardian


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