Thursday, December 21, 2006

Some days it just don't pay to get out of fucking bed.

Top of the morning gents,

I'm not gonna get off on a rant or nothin'. Kind of
humbled and glad to be just fucking above ground
suckin' wind and industrial bong rips.

Grim Reaper is an amusing construct assembled by our
fellow macaque brothers cursed with tremendously
powerful human brains that require causality in order
to comprehend every fucking random event and
statistically impossible moments of no hope.

Shit happens. And a lot by accident.

What enhances the frequency of these events are
externalities such as weather, icing on wings and
tires, the old age of these elastic and inelastic
collision participants, and a high demand for
replacements to fill the gulf of souls.

Another random event accelerator for hominids a few
light years short of self-actualization: is alcohol.

The traffic last night on Fifth Avenue (750 ml) was
terrible. Not the motor vehicle traffic, the
pedestrian traffic. We had loud ass imiktuk runt fucks
yelling and staggering all fucking night.

I took a quick book down to AC for the Mrs. and
encountered Wally Carter staggering in front of Lane’s
bucket shack. Now that’s a pleasant sight.

Kids and good folks on foot were streaming both
directions bearing gifts and groceries homebound, and
in front of God and everybody was this drunk monkey
with a red ass singing and yelling at all passersby
louder’n a nigger on crack.

I might have a brown eye for the obvious, but
Eski-Hoes really ought not fucking drink, ye know
that? Browntard Wally was on a roll cursing pissed off
at the world worse than a red headed sister that
started her period on the car seat.

I’ve adjusted though. For every beaten and raped
Eskimo-sickle, the universe is balanced with
justification and rationale: nigger is as nigger does.
Meaning all the misery and misfortune visiting our
blessed FAZ is because we fucking deserve it.

Why the disparate suffering out here on the rural rez?
Both heaven and hell are here on Earth: so is
purgatory. Us ignorant chimps are here because we are
not worthy of a better place.

Like you sons of fucks, this monkey fucker also has
eternity to smell the honey buckets and partake in the
infected wine, women and song sans tune, pitch and
safe sex.

So to truly enjoy the wafting village bouquet of
ignorance and dysentery, I stroll like my brethren:
zombie-riginal.

Armed, yet heavily impaired.

Fuck, if me and bun decided to quit the walks far
woman club and started driving again, I too would be
like the rest of this shit ass reservation Mongolian:
driving under the influence of drugs, alcohol and
stupidity. And fatter’n fuck.

With my drunk ass behind the wheel, I bet there’d be
more crushed Inukun craniums and broken ovaries just
like Katy Norton littering both sides of this spit
soaked latrine.

You boys may be unforgiven, but none of you graying
gunslingers are on Reaper's short list. He still needs
y’all to execute his shopping list.

Keep your powder dry and yer dick hard and the world
will turn. The Grim Reaper will be truly justified to
take as many miserable shits as he pleases and our God
fearing primitive minds require a reason why.

"Everybody's got it coming" (Clint Eastwood). We
fucking deserve it.

Karl Tikik.

Read below.

---

Location: Fairbanks
Case number: 06-108733
Type: Motor Vehicle Collision - Fatality, Leaving the
Scene
Text: On 12-15-06, at approximately 2023 hours, Alaska
State Troopers received a telephone call reporting a
motor vehicle collision with injuries at the
intersection of Hess and Thomas streets near
Fairbanks. Investigation revealed that Chester J.
Druck, age 57, of Fairbanks was walking near the
roadway when he was struck by a 1991 Dodge Caravan
driven by Ilsa Burton, age 30, of Fairbanks. Burton
left the scene of the collision without reporting it
to law enforcement authorities or rendering aid to
Druck, who died as a result of his injuries. Alcohol
was determined to be a factor in the collision and
Burton was later contacted and arrested on charges of
Leaving the Scene of an Accident and Driving Under the
Influence. The case is still under investigation
and additional charges will be forwarded to the
District Attorney's Office for review.
Author: DAW0
Received and posted Saturday, December 16, 2006 5:21
AM

---

Location: Wasilla
Case number: 06-108682
Type: Motor Vehicle Collision-Fatal
Text: On Friday December 15, 2006 at 4:50 pm, Alaska
State Troopers were notified of a three vehicle crash
on the Parks Highway near milepost 51.5, at the
intersection of the Parks Highway and Johnson Rd.
Troopers, EMS and Wasilla Police responded. Scene
investigation revealed that Steven Lavine, age 53 of
Big Lake, was in his Subaru sedan northbound on the
Parks Highway waiting to make a left-hand turn on to
Johnson Road when he was hit from behind by a
full-size Ford pickup truck driven by Arnold Lane, age
76 of Houston. Lavine's Subaru was pushed into the
southbound lane where it was t-boned on the passenger
side by a large MTA box truck being driven by Kent
McMartin, age 53 of Wasilla. Steven Lavine died on
scene from his injuries. Neither Lane or McMartin
needed to be transported to the hospital, but remained
on scene. Alcohol is not believed to be a factor in
the collision. The collision occurred in the recently
established Highway Traffic Safety Corridor, which
runs from Church Road to Big Lake Road on the Parks
Highway. All occupants appeared to have been wearing
seat belts. The investigation into the crash is
continuing.
Author: SMC1
Received and posted Saturday, December 16, 2006 4:41
AM

---

Location: King Salmon
Case number: 06-108500
Type: Aircraft crash - Fatal X 2
Text: On 12/14/06 at approximately 1915 hours, Alaska
State Troopers in Dillingham were notified on an
overdue Peninsula Airways aircraft en-route from Port
Heiden to King Salmon. Peninsula Airways reported
that an ELT transmission was also received. The
U.S.Coast Guard was notified, responded to the
location of the ELT transmission, approximately 15
miles north of Port Heiden, and located wreckage that
matched the description of the Peninsula Airways
aircraft (Cherokee 6) at the location with two
fatalities. According to Peninsula Airways manifest,
the sole passenger on the plane was Renee Matson, age
45 of Port Heiden. The pilot was Andrew Simonds, age
25 of Anchorage. Peninsula Airways has chartered a
helicopter and is flying troopers to the scene for
body recovery. The State Medical Examiner has
requested autopsy of the deceased, and their bodies
will be transported to Anchorage to confirm
identification, and cause and manner of death.
Author: Bump
Received and posted Friday, December 15, 2006 11:40 AM

Location: Red Dog Mine
Case number: 06-108618
Type: Industrial Fatality
Text: On 12/15/06, at 1403 hours, State Troopers in
Kotzebue were contacted by representatives of the Red
Dog Mine who reported a fatality at their mining
operation. Jeffrey A. Huber, 51 yoa, of Anchorage was
killed when a boulder fell from the side of an open
pit and struck him causing massive head and chest
injuries. Huber was transported to the sites medical
facility where he was pronounced dead. Arrangements
were made for Huber's body to be transported to the
State's Medical Examiner office in Anchorage. At this
time no foul play is suspected. Huber's family was
notified by representatives of the Red Dog Mine.
Author: KRM0
Received and posted Friday, December 15, 2006 3:15 PM

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