Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Why's everybody always picking on Galena?

Top of the morning gents,

My, oh my.

I got some tedious news clippings about a gorgeous
community on the Yukon River. A bit of a row at the
local watering hole over trite regulations contingent
upon employment: nothing important, just a bunch of
fucking natives anyway.

I also got a long ass news article from the NY Times.
Seems someone opened their big fucking mouth about how
easy it is to deal shitty drugs to the Induns out on
the reserve.

Back here in Alaska it's sacrilegious to blabber on
about bootlegging and drug dealing product channels
from Seattle, Anchorage then all parts unknown
throughout rural Alaska. It's also in poor taste to
poke fun at the millions of native dollars going down
the drain in the form of beer piss from a whiskey
dick. It's even more of a faux paux to poke around the
millions deposited in bar and liquor store bank

I'd venture to speculate that a lot of Alaska's
history and lore originates from legendary tales of
gold rushes and oil booms attracting and siphoning all
of America's deadly blue eyed devils. These same blue
eyed devils that diluted the grabby aboriginal gene
pool with recessive traits dooming high stepping
yeller half-breeds to the same fate as your author on

Albinos can't hang. Off to the shitter with history
rewritten in the future omitting any existence of us
fair skinned fairies from Northern Europe. The
promised land is a metaphor in time, not geography nor
broadmindedness. Ye just gotta wait til all them poor
white motherfuckers with blond hair and blue eyes die
off, then it's Miller Time.

Imagine: no more guys like me in 2 centuries. Now
that's a reason to party.

I don't care if all Americans are immigrants, with all
the black folks back in Africa and all the Mexicans
back in Mexico, the surviving native Americans oughta
have a fucking Coke and smile.

Seattle's skid road and Puget Sound's docks are built
on 'stores of goods' headed for Alaska: lots of 'good
whores' in Seattle too. The real Alaska gold was found
in the bars, whorehouses and flophouses. Most miners
and trappers left or died broke, same with life
support systems for cunts. Hard to make a living
sucking dick in parking lots with all the free native
biscuit around.

Shoot, Trudy would shoot wet tennis balls at ye if you
bought her some drinks. Some folks are destined to be
part of Alaska's history, even ripe bastards like them
feral fucking rural newspaper editors.

Which brings me to something I found startling. In the
last few months, I've seen WAY more hookers leaving
slug tracks all over Mountain View. Just like the good
old pipeline and Valdez days, money flowed and so did
the native pussy.

Those still alive and remember the days of Alaskan
Dimes ($100 bills), lap dances without condoms, and
Shitbanks breakouts of North Slope native VD, might be
smart and write a last will and testament.

I'm sure glad I got over that AIDS thing. The Black
Plague had some upsides, us white neegroids and
infected gypsies snagged a whoop ass case of mental
retardation AND a questionable immunity to
herp/hep/aids and shit.

Communities are like human bio-cells, my lavish party
habits can ruin whole villages, possibly even kill
small children.

Here's the ironical verso. Brewster’s has been vacant
for almost a year, seriously crippling the local
economy's employment multiplier factor down "to the
kind of work even the blacks wouldn't do" (V.
Fox-President of Mexico).

To add insult to injury, the new tenants only hire
delirious dry drunks and mumbling homeless winos. Yup,
from a decrepit Brewster's building to a filthy heap
big bottom feeder, the Salvation Army.

Yeah team, go peasants.

I ain't fucking kidding. Lots of whores slipping and
falling all over Mount-a-NativeView this last few
months, with concentrations of black dudes parked in
cars supervising the Brown Jug, Mapco and Red Apple
parking lots. Professional property managers so to

Speaking for all the rest of us drug dealers, "there
goes the neighborhood."

Street hooking on ice in Alaska is a highly segregated
business. Each street has a different flavor, odor and
color of prostitute. Even a fat legislator from Bethel
could find a hooker to suit his pockmarked Indun

You may ask why I'm spending so much time in Mountain

Simple. That's where all my old neighbors and in-laws

"All I ask of a bar is that it be open." Lem, Dummy &

I also have a dilapidated old friend that might remind
a carcass of the dark ages. He looks like a larger
version of Tom Evans, Vietnam Vet Cripple, yet
derivative of Fek. If any of you watched the Rivers
Edge, you'll remember all the kids tweaking on Fek

Better yet, how about the psycho Nam dude Cheech and
Chong chiefed up with, trying not to look at the funky
blotch across his face.

Yup, that's my damaged on arrival Fek dude. Thomas the
nam crip, and central hangout for every pot smoking
native in the damn state: shitty smoky little
apartment, dirty and ungodly, but in a homey village
sort of way. Dig?

We pop in when he awakes in the evening. Good place to
catch up on pipeline gossip and where the heavy weight
is for sale: cash and carry-gentlemen's rules.

Surrounded by dirtier darkies, me and Thomas bullshit
about recent Barrow, Bethel and Kotzebue doings. He'll
sit behind his scale and weigh up bags whilst me and
Bunnik make ourselves at home in a rural dumpsite,
wash the coffee maker in preparation for the ancient
Japanese tea ceremony.

Like all of you graying gunslingers and uniformed
felons, I'm a goddamn Alaskimo. North of 70 lat, our
tea ceremonies ain't got dick to do with Japs, just
slopes like me.

When your zip code puts yer sorry ass at the wrong end
of the North American continent, most ritualized camp
and cabin gatherings enhance long overdue comrade and
friendship with a bit more than a cup of fucking tea.

This ain't bum fuck Egypt, our tea and toke coffee and
bonghits and 4:20 Tea Time with a spot of sugar and
lemon are a bit more of a chemically diverse custom,
and dosage.

Don't mess with Texas.

Where on the map does it say, "Alaska was made for
fucking with?" Can you tell I'm making new friends?
We'll see where this little drug junket takes us.

Same Bat Time. Same Bat Channel.



Troopers cite untrained Bush alcohol servers
BUSTS: 9 men, women are ticketed for selling booze
without training.

Anchorage Daily News

Published: February 19, 2006
Last Modified: February 19, 2006 at 03:09 AM

Nine men and women in western Interior Alaska who work
in some of the state's smallest bars and package
stores were ticketed by Alaska State Troopers last
week for selling booze without having received
required training.

The nine -- all of them longtime owners or employees
of liquor establishments in their communities --
include people who were nailed at Archie's Yukon Inn
in Galena and at the only retail liquor outlets in the
communities of Galena and Koyukuk.

The busts are some of the first under new procedures
in which troopers have begun enforcing state Alcohol
Beverage Control Board rules. The ABC rules include
requirements that people selling alcohol have had
alcohol server training and that they have received
instruction in the state's laws regarding IDs and on
serving people who are drunk.

The citations took those hit by surprise.

"We know everybody because we just little village,"
said Lolita Munter, 46, one of the store salespeople
cited in Galena. "I always be careful when we do
alcohol, because I know them."

"What's going on? Being in a village, we thought
nobody going to bother us," she said.

Galena has 650 residents and is on the north bank of
the Yukon River about 270 miles west of Fairbanks.
Koyukuk, with 100 residents, is 30 miles west of

"Some of the places out in the boondocks have never
seen an ABC inspector," said Doug Griffin, Alcohol
Beverage Control Board director. "But now that the
troopers are doing this for us and finding violations
and writing them up, our presence has -- in terms of
doing inspections -- (been) greatly enhanced."

Griffin said he doesn't expect troopers to stop their
regular duties but that it is a cost-effective use of
state resources to ask them to do the checks if they
happen to be in a village.

"You are going to see a lot more inspections and a lot
more violations," he said. "We're trying to raise the
bar higher."

On Feb. 13, Galena-based wildlife enforcement trooper
Jay Sears issued tickets to the owner of Archie's
Yukon Inn, Marlene Marshall, 44, and her bartender,
Charlotte Gowan, 61.

"He just walked right in and wanted to know where the
booze was kept," said Marshall, who has owned the bar
for five years and run it for more than 20. "He didn't
even try to work with us or give us a warning."

Sears asked to see their alcohol server training card
-- Techniques of Alcohol Management, or TAM, cards.
They didn't have them, and the citations were issued.

At the Galena Liquor Store, owner Lewis Johnson, 55,
and four of his employees, Mary Benson, 55, Dennis
Sweetsir, 54, Curtiss Carlo, 45, and Munter, were
cited. Johnson, who had only recently renewed his TAM
card online when he realized it could be done
remotely, was cited for not making his employees get
the training.

"I guess we were all a little surprised by the
troopers," Johnson said. "The ABC guys would not have
cited us on the first-ever inspection. There was no

Sears could not be reached for this story.

On Feb. 14, at the Last Chance Trading Post in
Koyukuk, Sears cited owner Celene Hildebrand, 41, and
employee, Berchman Esmailka, 51.

The training that they were ticketed for not having
typically costs around $35 and lasts about four hours.
In addition to the state's laws regarding the sale of
alcohol, it also teaches things like how alcohol
affects the body and how to tactfully cut people off,
Griffin said.

The tickets are class A misdemeanors punishable by a
fine of up to $10,000 and one year in jail -- although
maximum penalties for these offenders is unlikely,
Griffin said.

The ABC used to be under the state Department of
Revenue, but in July 2003 Gov. Frank Murkowski moved
it to the Department of Public Safety and the idea
developed to use troopers to help with enforcement.
Within the past several months, troopers have been
trained to check ABC requirements at licensed liquor
establishments -- rules that otherwise would only be
enforced by ABC's four investigators.

Troopers enforcing the ABC rules are checking for
alcohol server training certificates, and things like
warning signs to pregnant women and underage drinkers.
They are also checking to see that toilets flush and
sinks drain properly.

Griffin estimates that less than 5 percent of the
state's roughly 1,800 liquor licenses are off the road
system -- most in places like Kodiak, Nome, Dutch
Harbor and McGrath, he said.

"We don't want to clog anybody's court calendars with
these cases; it's mainly to let you know that we're
watching you," Griffin said.

Archie's owner, Marshall, though, wishes the ABC Board
had let the Bush establishments know of the uptick in
enforcement. "The laws are fine, but we got misled
years ago," she said.

It got so expensive to fly employees to TAMs training
in Fairbanks, and "because we go through so many
employees out in the Bush. We thought they were giving
us a waiver," she said.

Marshall is a former TAM instructor and let her own
TAM card expire because she thought it was no longer
necessary, she said. Since getting the ticket last
week, she has taken the TAM test online and passed,
she said.

Johnson, owner of the Galena Liquor Store, also was a
TAM instructor at one time. "It's certainly not a hard
test," he said. He said his employees knew all of what
training would have taught them, they just didn't have
the paperwork to prove it.

Griffin said the Bush gets no special exemptions,
especially with Internet training now available.

"They have as big a problem of alcohol and a threat to
public safety than anywhere, if not more so. So I
could make an argument that they should be more
vigilant out there."

Daily News reporter Megan Holland can be reached at


Article Published: Monday, February 20, 2006

Police Report
Fairbanks Daily News Miner

Failure to comply

Several people in Galena and Koyukuk were cited this
week for failure to complete the state alcohol server
training course within 30 days of their employment.

The owner and a bartender at Archie's Yukon in Galena
were cited for failure to complete the course.

The owner and four employees of the Galena Liquor
Store were also cited for failure to complete the

The owner and one employee of the Last Chance Liquor
Store in Koyukuk were cited for failure to complete
the course.


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