Friday, July 08, 2005

Rural education is supposed to be Bush League.

Top of the morning gents,

I absolutely love mornings.

Hangovers, whining kids, noisy farm animals, and loud trams and trolleys don’t make a shit of difference: mornings are the best time to “spend your guitar or your pen.” (P. Townsend)

I’ve tried to sit at the computer and write in the evenings, but it ain’t the same: too many parts of my brain are up and running, inhibiting my creativity and free range of language.

The same rule applies to your first response to multiple-choice (multiple-guess) questions on your exams you’ve just finished rolling up and smoking. Your first answer is most likely the correct answer and second-guessing yourself after 2 hours of testing, reviewing smarter logic with a fatigued brain, is dumber than stepping out of the shower to take a fucking piss.

By now you can tell that my most amusing works are my first works. Inflammatory tirades and caustic rants about issues that really piss me off.

By day’s end, I’m much calmer and sensible typing articles about never seeing $50 a barrel oil again or how meth is exhausted through the skin because the kidneys and liver are incapable of removing it from your blood, hence speed bumps, meth zits, and crank bugs. Ya see, analogous to congeners, when it comes to meth, we’re all natives. No ethnic group has yet been able assimilate and digest the toxic byproducts associated with bathtub crank vitamin distillation and speed cooked nutrients.

You also heard me bitch and moan about the abysmally low wages paid to teachers in rural Alaska, but our current roster of teachers don’t deserve higher wages. Our children deserve better teachers with much higher salaries. Merely giving our current teachers raises won’t make a shit of difference; the best and the brightest have already been culled from the herd.

What I admire most about the private schools my siblings enjoyed, was the caliber of teachers: well dressed, well educated professors, instead of screaming low wage caliber public school cunts. Teachers earn what they’re worth, educators earn what they’re worth: 2 separate job descriptions and requirements. You get what you pay for.

Simply giving our current roster of rural teachers raises is foolish and akin to putting frosting on a turd. To revamp our current system, I suppose we’ll need to revamp our notion of what constitutes a professor, thus overstepping our current crisis of mediocrity.

This may account for me paps and grandpaps loathe of teachers and nurses.

My dad and grandpa have many mottos to live by. Like a landlord’s bible of proverbs, I can parrot dozens of phrases and mantras that are ethnically and financially specific. One phrase I’ve been known to recite was, “It’s important to always to lie well, honesty is the highest form of respect, and very few people deserve it.”

“Never pay more than 6 years rents, and you only make your money when you purchase real property, not when you sell it.”

And the clincher, “Never rent to teachers or nurses.”

These bits of advice coming from a two wise landlords: over the ages of 70, and 90, respectively.

The reason nurses and teachers get paid so little is because they’re teachers and nurses and more often than not, they’re naïve coddling women that don’t have, or choose to neglect and loathe children and domiciles of their own.

Altruism has no home. It’s a veiled spectacle only for public consumption. The measure of a human lies in the examination of the tidiness of their own backyard similar to miserable Heeb wisdom, “Don’t borrow trouble, mind your own business.” Meaning, the world only improves if we tend to our own sanitary happiness and quit trying to save the natives, or fuss about our neighbor’s trash filled and garbage cluttered back yards.

Public school teachers have starting salaries that could conceivably be considered below poverty. With a public education industry and teachers unions structured around normal people, we have to accept it’s inherent outcomes mirroring regression toward its norm.

This paradigm is how we arrived at our current suffering and unyielding mediocrity, extraordinary talent has no place within the intellectually restrictive confines of our current model of public schooling, public toilets, public assistance and public housing. Hence brilliant educators make no sense and have no place. Extraordinary talent is best harvested in other industries and may explain their glaring non-existent nonsense in the context of our current model under scrutiny heretofore.

Bang for the buck is a quantitative maxim, fuck qualitative analysis; meaning quantity trumps quality daily. If you think your goddamn kid is a genius, why subject him to teachers, subjects, and advancement based on an average IQ hovering down near 100?

Besides, learning to read, write, and combine like variables and shuffle them across the ‘equal sign’ is merely a means to learning to learn.

We have an obligation to teach our children to learn: a task far beyond the abilities of an overstressed and overcrowded classroom led by an overpaid, yet unqualified product of just such a process.

You know something? Our dumb kids deserve dismal teachers, cuz if we completely restructured our education system, we’d be forced to hire educators.

Shun the thought. Who wants to hire a smart-ass engineer or physician or playwright to teach our kids? You ever see the salaries those fuckers receive?

Water seeks its own level and the quality of personnel we’re willing pay for is pert near right at the high water mark we’ve grown accustomed to; really cheap and a lot of bang for the buck. To insure the kind of absurd bilingual and bicultural education all of ice niggers desire, we have to accept the mutually excluded extra-cultural epistemologies of thought in return for Inupiaq studies.

There’s only 5 hours of student teacher contact, it’s far cheaper to teach our kids middle class topics with middle class teachers. Genius ain’t ever pretty, but he demands inordinate wages and sure looks good in a suit and tie.

A Buddhist monk once told me that the moment I realize the world is in a state of perfection exactly as I found it, I’ll have reached my full quid.

You may gripe about our rural school systems, but it’s the best you all can afford. None of you can afford a proper education for your children; hence your own upward immobility also serves to retard your children accordingly. I know what you all make; you can’t afford $30K per child, per year to attend private schools. Now you understand why rich kids will always be rich, they earn the top wages because they’re smarter than your kids.

You can call me many things, but I’ve never heard any of you call my theories obtuse or asymptotic. Ye reap what ye sew. Working class proletariat children come from working class proletariat parents.

The parents that break their backs and banks to better educate their children are extraordinary and not normal. You’ll likely find them adhering to a higher standard, likely out of sight and out of earshot, but just 2 standard deviations away.



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