Friday, July 08, 2005

Nobody's fault but mine.

Top of the morning gents,

Double tap from our beloved David Craig, and he punched me off my rocker with the following statement: “Blaming is an easy way to displace responsibility.” He also advised I compose a letter scolding you all for letting your kids get infected with rural Alaskan mental retardation.

I’ve been reviewing the test scores of our Alaskan children. I’m fucking ashamed. Where in hell did natives start believing that skin color and tooth count have a direct correlation to IQ? When our daughter Sara started bringing home report cards similar to mini-limbed drooler ‘tards, I blew an ass gasket.

I also engaged in the blame game. I blamed the teachers, culturally biased testing, and the state for under funding bush schools. Shit, I even blamed my doofus ice nigger wife and her dullard family.

Blaming is so native, which makes me equally native.

The only person to blame for my own daughter's piss poor native academic performance, is me. I can't blame the Mrs. and I can't blame skin color, culture, or prevailing IQ's out here on the reservation. It all falls on the shoulders of the dad.

If yer swinging dick meat on the front of you: then this lecture includes you also.

We can’t blame anyone for native testing scores that mirror those of gimps, niggers, and retards. My daughter’s academic performance is my own responsibility. Likewise, all of you gents are at fault for how embarrassingly retarded all your own brown tooth and brown brained children are.

Without anyone's advice, consent, or permission, I sent Sara Magnum far away from this cesspool of bad teeth, shredded rectums, and steadily declining intellectual potential. I sent her to Seattle to live under the same parents that mercilessly forced all their own children to master numerous musical instruments, excel in the sports of their choosing, and complete the entire math-science curriculum at their respective high schools: some private, most public.

Few people are blessed with millionaire parents that can afford to take in students from the International Exchange Student Program and both Sara Magnum and I fully appreciate these blessings.

When my irritation with Sara Magnum's emerging native retardation reached a peak in second grade, she was ruthlessly tossed on a jet airplane and became another boarder in the Ewing mansion on the hillside overlooking Puget Sound.

I'm ruthless about potential. Potential that is raped, beaten, and poisoned by the same parents that suffer from and promote a plague of ignorance. The only antidote is the forced relocation of your smarter kids; the retards can stay on the reservation to continue breeding the culture we see today.

Eskimo kids are like every nigger of every despicable race. Their sentiments are frequently parroted with declarations of ignorance, "I don't wanna be white."

Is there something I'm missing? White folks are the dumbest niggers I know and I don’t see the logic behind being native, failing all aspects of achievement, and a life of poverty and welfare we humorously call ‘subsistence’ to look forward to.

Yes I have a fucking clue why native children are retarded, but it ain't likely one of the excuses bandied about. Alas, I'm reminded I too am also such a dumb ass and instead of bitching I should set by example.

Well I did. I was a college dropout until the age of 36, now I display three college degrees on my office wall, surrounded by countless Honor Society certificates.

Children do as you do: not as you say. There ain’t nothing wrong with a bunch of kids watching an old fart grandpa like yours truly spend 2-4 hours composing a dozen pages of prose every morning.

Imagine the stimulated potential we could reap if every Alaskan child sat next to wealthy grandparents, like us, while I type my stupid shit all morning while drinking coffee with lots of cream and sugar, then listen to me read my literary output out loud whilst knocking back bourbon and aromatic hydrocarbons until the Mrs. returns from work at the college.

Ain’t nothing extraordinary. Me and Cully used to sit next to our mum while she baked, sewed, typed articles for the local paper and listened as she read her compositions out loud so we could hear what she wrote. We could only listen cuz this was before either of us could read.

If I could chemically chain every native child to a station in my computer lab and painfully mold them into the students their parents only dreamed of, well, we'd have a whole new generation of smart asses just like me, my parents, and grandparents: unfairly rich, educated and snobby. Ya see, I’m only a link in a long chain of folks identical to me, and your kids are only a link in a long chain of folks identical to your dumber wives. Scary huh?

At the moment, we have a generation of American students that as Alan Greenspan describes as, “academic failures at the bottom of the international barrel.”

God forbid we make this affirmative action mistake again, talented and bright kids are too fucking valuable to kill off at such a young age. And we do this every time we force them to learn in the same classroom with slow humans sheathed in thick skulls and brown skin.

Like that blessed little Eskimo boy told me at the library the other day, “nigger is as a nigger does.” Our children’s academic performance mirrors our own.

Looking at all of us, that’s a damn shame.

If you wish to have children that stand an academic prayer competing against the likes of my nemesis plural: Chermaine Fullinck and Captain Jay Gardner, ya best ship them far away from yourselves and the retarded villages we live in. I’d be lying to you if I dared state any of you have set the academic bar very high.

Nigger is as a nigger does. Our children will only do as we do, not as we wish.

You boys are tough. Tough enough to take a scathing lecture like this.

I highly recommend you all shop around for private schools with Sylvan Learning Centers close by, or else your kids will grow up no smarter than our dumber wives.

Seems I got the biggest shoulders ‘round this reservation.

Ain’t nobody’s fault but mine.



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