Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Phone sex with you killers is far more stimulating than my dipshit prose.

Top of the morning gents,

My, oh my, I’ve been spoiled with stimulating conversations. Conversations I’d long written off as existing only in my memories from campus, or at the dinner table with my smarter father and brothers.

This week I’ve chatted with the Sgt., the Chief, a retired OSS officer, and a bunch of coppers and a medic. I forget how much I enjoy chatting with you chumps. Ya see, the only communications I get to digest from you felons in uniform are your emails, and your speech patterns are far more stimulating than your literary output.

I dare you to go back and review some of the clipped and abbreviated emails you’ve composed. It’s scary to proof read one’s messages, only to discover glaring and embarrassing typos and spelling errors. Yer talking to the dude that’s almost fallen off his chair when he’s spotted truly retarded word usage and bad English in compositions and articles that have already been submitted.

Letters ain’t the same as good long chats over coffee or beer.

It does a lad’s heart some good when his pals from long ago take the effort and expense to phone me. Don’t ever forget the power of the ‘reach out’. When you lads reach out and call me, I feel wonderful remembering I used to have friends.

I like chats with you public sector wonks about finances, evolving cultures and the disturbing trends indicated heretofore. What I like most is hearing you guys laugh. Laughter may be good medicine, but hearing laughter is the best.

No shit. Laughter is the highest form of agreement and respect. In light of our common experiences, it beats the hell outa crying in our beers together. God is a comedian and most mortals are far too stupid to laugh.

I know we ought not laugh at tragedy, but the terms gallows humor or Emergency Room humor aren’t contrived or inauthentic forms of sharing with your comrades that have all hauled corpses, slammed inmate limbs in drunk tank doors (Jim Ginley and Eli Williams) and inhaled Lysol flavored vomit. So instead of weeping, pissing and moaning, I prefer to hear your amusing tales woven with laughter instead of depressing and grim tales.

I’m feeling spoiled, and I pray you coppers, children’s advocates, and rescue personnel continue your efforts to keep this graying gunslinger in your prayers, thoughts and conversations. Ain’t nothing better than us old men bullshitting together, all wise enough to chuckle about humanity, instead of bitching like me and my type of whiner pussy faggots from Seattle. That's where all us 'save the natives' cunts come from.

I get plenty of exercise in the bitching department cuz I gotta live on a reservation populated with Native Americans. Native Americans deprived of, or more likely refusing to enjoy the more American aspects of this wonderful national experiment in educational, religious, cultural and intellectual freedoms denied them by their obsolete nativity and elder aboriginals.

Some things I’ll never understand about minorities. All this free education, yet we see dismal failure in adopting and enjoying the strength and understanding that good educations empower all men. Ignorance is like a virus; it only takes a minute particle to fuck up the lives of us educated humans. But again, peasantries fear the knowledge of good and evil, hence why I parrot the phrase, “Ignorance is bliss.”

All forms of misery enjoy company. I rather enjoy this crew of killers because I feel I’m a part of a team of men I respect and bound together by experiential misery.

I’ll say it again. It is a rare pleasure to chat with you guys about topics that are quite apparent you’re all qualified experts to discuss. Is that cool or what?

Don’t get jealous or upset, but I may have discovered another brilliantly shining gem hidden at the bottom of my honey bucket community: an educated Marine.

Yes, I’m aware Barrow has ‘flush toilets’ and ‘got good showers’, but my blessed rural rodents still have water-shortage/water-deficit habits entrenched in their minds and I get gripes for wasting and playing with water.

My wife is an exceptionally educated Sib, but her childhood without a mansion with 6 bathrooms still affects her. Despite owning a quarter million dollar duplex that has ‘real good water’ I get scolded for water usage derivative of my youth competing and teaching in swimming pools.

Mind you, there is a direct correlation between water consumption and overall health. Life spans have been doubled since we taught our dearly deprived aboriginals to wash their bodies, clothes, domiciles, and children. We’re still working on teaching the health benefits of clean teeth but since so few are remaining: fuck it. Poor is a state of mind, and poor hygienic habits reinforce this paradigm. You’ll likely NEVER find agent Octuck rescuing a child from a clean and tidy house.

I truly believe I am blessed. Pert near every morning, my Marine Corp Medic neighbor pays me a visit for highly theoretical and philosophical discourse. We discuss the history of religion from our polytheistic roots to our current monotheistic model. The model and religious singularity concepts taught to our ignorant cave nigger ancestry by a goddamned carpenter we all lynched a ways back. Not quite a Jew, but a “Jewish” carpenter no less.

At the estimated time of Christ 90% of the world’s population of a little over 1 million was enslaved. Royalty got an education; slaves and peasants didn’t need one. See some parallels?

Despite all the debates over Christian doctrine vs. the actual words of Christ, the dude did a killer job of eliminating the chain of command between Earth’s dirty humans, and their creator.

From an anthropological view, Christ revolutionized human thought and also effectively rendered hierarchical church structures useless and obsolete. Our children have plenty of room in their souls to fit a trinity of barely perceivable phantoms; the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I refuse to accept the notion that our children’s souls have room for sick Catholic priests in their educations, nor their tiny rectums and uteruses. Amen?

Imagine if you were the only highly educated human being surrounded by overwhelming masses of terribly poor and ignorant sub-human slaves and peasants. Wait, most of you have.

I doubt you fear crucifixion on a daily basis. Unlike Jesus; most of you wise old killers are heavily armed and predictably scare the living shit out of your peasantry and enslaved neighbors.

To a primitive hunter-gatherer obeying religious symbols and icons derived only from their narrow thought paradigms, just watching Jesus speak would be perceived as a miracle. Watching him write is incomprehensible. All words are the word of God in an illiterate culture of folks that can’t read OR write, and speak in the simplest of primitive and narrow worldview languages.

Like my brilliant wife stated long ago: “The best way to destroy an obsolete and useless aboriginal culture is to throw Christ and Commerce at it.” Smart gal indeed, with impeccable taste in men to boot.

I pity you gents. How many brilliant quotes have your dumber wives been credited? Don’t get a cramp in yer cunt, I’m just raising the bar to allow room for your wives to also expand and grow. They deserve a piece of our brilliant minds.

Mind you; acceptance of stupid women is on the way out and most of us only have a sliver of true native blood in us. When I was last asked if I had any native blood in me, I responded by saying, “Not since breakfast.”

I am truly blessed with genius all around me. My pretty wife advised me that older religions were derived from simple existence. Hunters, gatherers, and even more sophisticated farmers using fences instead of spears worshipped good luck tokens in hopes of successful food and wealth accumulation.

All religions have been waiting for a unified field theory of unification, hence my assertion that like another Jew’s work on The Theory of Relativity, Christianity and Commerce require quite a bit of education and extra-cultural understanding.

As the world completes its educational and industrial revolution and religious reformation, I fear that Muslims would rather ‘fight than switch’.

Fighting and successful warfare are two distinct epistemologies. In fighting or battling, you simply cause harm and injury. In effective warfare, you destroy your enemy’s will and ability to fight. You already know where my money is.

As Americans, we won’t mind another non-white, non-Christian holocaust roaching sand niggers in piles. Us humans are getting quite comfortable with holocausts; provided the burnt victims are darker than us before we ignite more Nazi bonfires and pull up a chair to watch ashen snow fall.

Since 6 millions Jews have been smoked, 20 million Central and Eastern Europeans have taken massive dirt naps. After getting my pussy civilian ass chewed out by my soldier pals in Finland, I now feel kind of guilty for not lifting a single finger to stop ethnic cleansing in the Balkans and Africa.

Unbeknownst to you lads, I BCC (blind carbon copy) a couple mystical Seattle bus riders and my pals overseas with my daily am cop talk newsletter; some are smugglers, some are genius academics, but a few are United Nations Peace Keeper soldiers that find my tales of you lads very interesting.

I feel awful we did nothing to stem the tide of ethnic cleansing occurring in Rwanda and the Sudan. A mere 6 million miserable Heebs don’t equal 10 times the body count that’s still occurring today on the African continent.

Notice that the victims of ethnic cleansing are never Anglo-Saxon fair-haired, fair skinned Northern Europeans? Until the victims look like relatives of Jesus, who gives a shit?

I respect our former president’s decision to shy away and completely avoid involvement in this horrid extermination in Bosnia and Africa. He is an exceptional politician and knew his constituency very well. He knew too well that America never gives a shit about anybody that don’t look like us.

Yes sir, Mr. Clinton was a genius politician but he was ill suited and poorly trained to be a commander in chief. Since he was nothing more than a selfish politician his legacy will be that of an average president like Nixon, and not a great president. Christian Warriors rule dudes; mere politicians are diapers that need frequent changing.

I’ve admired all of our presidents; they’re likely smarter man than I, but few are braver.

Now you know another method to my madness. My peers are a brilliant wife, neighbor and a collection of coppers and criminals: you lot. Even in the middle of a dismal shit hole village, smart human neurons surround me and are woven into my literary output.

You fuckers are my ingredients.

So, instead of burning up digital disk space with my bigger than cranial, yet amusing discourse, I’m gonna phone a couple of you killers today. I’m in dire need of fast paced intellectual chatter. I’ll be armed with air waybill numbers and freight weights of muktuk, but it’d be nice if you spun me a yarn about yer life so far from mine.

Trust me, your chats are my personal blessing.



Karl.

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