Friday, February 04, 2005

Muktuk, Murder and Mayhem

Top of the morning gents,

Hope you all enjoyed my silly pps (PowerPoint show).
Cracked me up, but then, I’m not sane. My choice of
occupations indicates numerous flaws in my
psychological profile. Who else but this butcher
could laugh at such misery?

This may explain why I don't know how to maintain
friendships, 'cept with murderous motherfuckers, like
all you bastards. My inspiration to create such a
crude slideshow arose from memories of our former
duties, on graveyard shift mates.

I once had to drive down to south tent city to pick up
a non-responding 10-56 female. What we found, was a
badly beaten and raped Sandy Russell, passed out,
naked, lying in a mud hole.

When Dean6killer and I were extricating her drunk
skanky ass from the aforementioned swill pit, she
asked us if we’d carry her back to the tent full of
native drunks.

“Those guys fuck real good.”

“Sorry Sandy, if those niggers wanted more sex with
you, they wouldn’t have beat the shit out of you and
pitched you in this mud hole and left you for dead.”
Which is exactly how she smelled.

Not a pretty site gents, but speaks volumes why 17% of
Alaska’s population spreads 38% of our state’s HIV

Evidenced by the volumes of pecker snot generously
glopped all over her entire body, it’s a safe bet safe
sex wasn’t practiced.

Ghetto mentality precludes living beyond the
abbreviated expiration date stamped on Siberian DNA.
Don’t look at your own heel; you also may be living
well beyond your freshness date stamp.

Speaking of nasty, I’m experimenting with brewing
muktuk, whale blood, and whale meat. Mikiuk mates. I
can whip up a batch of oonalik like no other nigger,
but waiting for ripe and odiferous buckets of meat,
blood, and muktuk swill to brew is like retracing the
steps of the inventor of cottage cheese; how will I
know when it’s done and safe to chew, gag, and

I don’t ever again, want to gargle honey bucket brine
just to get the taste of stink flipper out of my
mouth. Like all you village idiots, this retard has
actually heaved up whole brown trout.

I don’t care where yer born, that’s funny. Git ‘er

The Mrs. commanded we crank up the behemoth, Operation
Muktuk again. Joe7Garoutte’s bro phoned me last week
and requested some of my butcherings. In return for
bags of sheefish I sent John boxes of
Patkotak/Crawford crew whale cuttings.

Question for you mates: why is Kotzebue phoning this
Nordic Negro for endangered sea mammal grubbage? All
your goddamn relatives here in Barrow should be taking
care of those duties. You already know the word
‘sucker’ is carved into my forehead, but the Mrs. lies
to me, insisting it says ‘angel.’ Sure, like black is
beautiful, and the check is in the mail, all you
bastards promised not to come in my mouth.

I ain’t complaining, pert near proud to be of service.
Ironic though, Kotzebue’s best provider of these rare
native delicacies is a goddamn Viking.

The Mrs. says I’m a chip off the old block; always
serving the inept and stupid. Like my ancestors,
after the worst caribou die off in Alaska’s history, a
batch of handsome Finns drove a monster herd of
reindeer over the north pole and donated them all to a
bunch of thankless ice nigger ‘scralings.’ What’s
tragic, is all those handsome Finns walked all the way
back home, thus depriving these darkies of higher IQ’s
and an immune system tougher than AIDS.

What? Too harsh? Click on delete, and bugger off.
This am newsletter is aimed at rural cops and bush
medics; feel fucking honored to share in our dialogue.

News alert, California’s same sex fecus eater marriage
licenses are now voided. Seems the mayor of San
Francisco will go the way of Ebonics, in the shitter,
I mean trash.

In Sweden, gay marriages are legal. Now heteros treat
marriage with disdain. One bad fruit will spoil the
whole basket.

If I were in the prison business, I’d encourage gay
marriages and single motherhood. You boys should
review the national stats: 85% of our nations inmates
come from families with single parents. The gay
component is self-evidentiary, thus, why anybody
chooses to have same-sex behind bars for most of their
life. The term gang bangers implies negro hoodlums,
but zero females.

If being a minority automatically puts a bitch behind
bars, why aren’t I incarcerated? I’m the minority
north of 70 lat, and god knows, I've committed more
felonies than all you bastards combined. It's my

Except Westlake, that bad ass is capable of tremendous
violence, but since he hasn't shot me yet, I'm
guessing he enjoys my friendship and harsh fucking
language. He scares me, makes my nipples hard, but a
bastard motherfucker deserves friends too, despite
their propensity for killin'. Git 'er done.

Sure wish I was on board with John Garoutte's hunting
mish, funner'n shit blasting walrus. But again, that
would be another felony for this white nigger. Fuck
me in the goat ass.

In another essay, I'll tell you a tale how the Mrs.
shot, butchered, and lugged home 3 polar bears, all by
herself. Fuck you.



Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home